5 Mistakes Unhappy Moms Make in the Bedroom
Intimacy is an important part of marriage. Yet, once kids enter the picture, sex can sometimes start to feel like a chore. It’s just one more thing on your to-do list—right up there with washing the sheets and packing school lunches.
Hey—I’ve been there. Sometimes I’m still there. When I’m under a tight work deadline, the last thing that’s on my mind is my husband’s naked body. Still, I make time for it. I do for many reasons. These include:
- My husband does a lot of things for me that he isn’t necessarily in the mood to do, and he does them without complaint.
- I have yet to regret getting myself into the bedroom.
- Sex is good for my marriage, it’s good for my health, and it’s good for my peace of mind.
5 Things That Get in the Way of Intimacy
Still, knowing that it’s important doesn’t always ensure that it happens. And sometimes, it doesn’t happen because of one or more of the following 5 mistakes.
1. You are waiting for the mood to strike. You might have naturally felt in the mood when you were younger and more relaxed. As career stress and parenting obligations pile up, however, the mood may not naturally surface as often as it once did. If you wait for the mood to mysteriously develop, you might be waiting for the rest of your life. Just go to the bedroom and see what happens.
2. You’re occupied doing something else. And he’s watching TV while you do it. When you were younger, you led up to sex with a nice big fat juicy romantic date. If you are spending your evenings doing separate activities that do not remotely involve each other, no wonder you are not in the mood.
3. You’re keeping resentments to yourself. Whenever your spouse irritates you, it’s like anti-play. It’s a turn off. The only way to stop your spouse from practicing Anti-Play, however, is to clue him in. If you want him to wash the dishes, tell him. If you feel hurt when he talks to you in that condescending tone, tell him. If you want him to support you more, tell him.
4. You’re not making Getting in the Mood a priority. Get creative. Make “get mommy in the mood” a joint project. Have him investigate ways to do it. You investigate ways to do it. Try new activities. You just might find that a strip tease or bikini wax might get YOUR motor running.
5. You’re skimping on sleep. Most women need rest and relaxation in order to feel sexy. Be good to yourself. Get plenty of sleep. Exercise. Eat healthy and find ways to distress.
Alisa Bowman is the author of Project: Happily Ever After, which tells the story of how she went from wishing her husband dead to falling back in love. She is also the creator of ProjectHappilyEverAfter.com. To find out how to enter to win a Kindle, a romantic getaway, and more, check out The Fabulous PHEA Giveaway.
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What excellent advice. This is a great article. I am older than most of your readers, but ths advice applies at any age.
Great advice. And yet I could envision a man sending this article to his wife and getting himself in the dog house since it cold be interpreted as criticism for lack of intimacy. How do you suggest breaching the subject with one’s wife without potentially causing an adverse reaction?
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Hi Vincent,
I think the trick is bringing it up in a non-confrontational manner and without blame. Pitch it as a problem that you both have. Tell her how inadequate you feel as a result. Tell her you want to find a way to please her in bed–that she deserves to be happy sexually and that you adore her and want this for both of you. Say that you want to work together to enrich your sex life and make it as satisfying as possible–that you worry that you are somehow doing something to turn her off and that you want to stop doing it. If you can assume the blame for the problem, it takes the sting out of the discussion.
[...] I’ve been writing a series of posts for Mom It Forward that you all might enjoy. For instance, you might like the one about mistakes unhappy moms make in the bedroom. [...]
When my kids were born, sex was the last thing on my mind. Sleep rated WAY higher on the scale of things to do, and I wasn’t getting any of that either. Plus, there was a piece of me after my 2nd child was born that screamed “Ew, sex equals more babies! Ahhh!” Yeah, not enough sleep and the idea of more babies to take away more sleep gave me hives. I know how important it is to have a happy sex life though and always felt better for our “efforts” post-coitus. It really does help to keep you healthier and happier.
Thank you for this post! It came at just the right time for me. I have ordered the book Happily Ever After! I can’t wait to get started on my journey back to happiness and love with my husband.
Shannon–Thanks so much for your support. I hope you enjoy the book!
Great advice! THank you for posting!
Very sensible advice, thanks for posting!
[...] Mom It Forward published several guest posts by me including 5 Mistakes Unhappy Moms Make in the Bedroom, 5 Communication Mistakes Couples Make, and What Is a Happy [...]
[...] Mom It Forward published several guest posts by me including 5 Mistakes Unhappy Moms Make in the Bedroom, 5 Communication Mistakes Couples Make, and What Is a Happy [...]