I was listening to a bi-annual conference for my church today and one of the speakers shared that love is spelled t-i-m-e. He then asked us to ponder: “Where are you dedicating your time?” In other words, what (or who) do you love?

For me, it is relationships with family, including my husband @TroyPattee…

Relationships with my kids…

Relationships with my closest friends…

The challenge many of us face is figuring out how to spend our time on what matters most instead of those things that matter least, as necessary as some of them may be or seem.

When I think about time management and achieving that balance, the immediate thought that comes to my mind is: “I wish I had more hours in a day.” But, I was reminded today as I listened to this conference that it’s not about having more hours in a day or crossing off every item on your to-do list, but rather focusing on those things that matter most. Things like my family…

I decided to analyze my day and where I had dedicated my time. Here’s what I found (based on 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. for today only):

• 3 hours listening to my church conference with my kids while archiving photos online and cleaning up my desktop
• 2 hours taking my kids swimming on a play date with one of my friends and her two kids
• 30 minutes picking up my house and “encouraging” my kids to help me (I’ll be honest that I probably spent 20 minutes on the “encouragement” part!)
• 1 hour eating (breakfast and lunch combined)

I’m feeling pretty good about my day and where I’ve focused my time. There’s me and mom time in there, including both wants and needs. I even felt like I crossed some items off my to-do list. But…

…Today is not like most other days in my life. And typically, in my average day, I need a constant reminder to stop working at the end of my work day; to spend more time with my kids, my friends, my family; to make time for myself; and to be more dedicated to church and community.

5 Tips to Focusing on What Matters Most to You

If you are anything like me and need reminders to help you to stay focused on what truly matters most in your life, here’s a few tips on how to get started (taken from Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People):

1. Identify those things that matter the very most to you. As part of this process, evaluate your mission, vision, and values.
2. Identify what’s urgent, important, and those things that are sucking your time, but not helping you to focus on what’s most important in your life.
3. Schedule your week first around what’s most important to you (those things that matter the very most) and then add in tasks for the lesser important things, but those that need to get done.
4. Say “no,” delegate, re-prioritize, get help, or push back any item that does not help you put first things first. (Tips for helping you learn to say “no.”)
5. Replace any feelings of guilt you may have over not getting to your entire task list with feelings of accomplishment for focusing on what truly matters most in your life.

What are your most important priorities? What distractions get in the way of you accomplishing them? How can you review/revise your schedule to first them in your life?

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How to Focus on What Matters Most Over the Holidays

What are ways you will strengthen your family this holiday season?

Although life with my kids was filled with joy, there were days when my motivation was low and I just wanted to lay down and give up. I felt like the hardest thing in the world was to juggle three major things in my life. Being a mom is a hard job, but add being a full time student with all of the studying and tests, and then a job I need to provide for my little family—it was all just overwhelming.

The hardest thing to do when you are going through hard times is to get motivated. The dark clouds become a constant friend and your body begins to slowly decay.

Four Tips to Motivate Yourself on Down Days

To counteract the negative mental and physical effects brought on by difficult times, try these four things to motivate you.

1. Look at your past accomplishments and remember you truly are a star. During difficult times the only thing you can see is what’s happening right now. You forget about the things that happened in the past that were shining moments in your lives. When you are going through a difficult time motivate yourself by looking at the amazing things you did in the past. Did you win an award? Did you get the most sales in the office or division? Did you finish a really challenging course? While you are looking back, right down all the things you did that made you a star.

2. Set one-three goals you can focus on and work toward them; document your success. When you are feeling down and out, depressed even, get out paper and pen and jot down 1-3 goals you can accomplish very easily. You need small successes right now to give you a sense of purpose. Add new goals to your list and cross them out as you complete them. Each new goal reached lifts your self-esteem higher and no matter how difficult the times are you will begin to feel less depressed because you are having small wins.

3. Surround yourself with positive people (real or online). The people you interact with each day can make or break your spirit. It’s important to hang around people who are positive. They will encourage you to see the bright side of things and try something new. They can show you how to get past the dark clouds and expect success. If you do not have positive people in your immediate circle of friends find them online. There are hundreds of groups online that live positive lives and encourage others to do the same.

4. Take a mental break and go play; you’ll be refreshed and the problems won’t seems so big. Hard times make people grumpy and hard to live with. There is no joy and laughter, both of which naturally lift you up. Negative thoughts and situations drag you down but there is a way to pull yourself out of that hole. Go play. Visit a playground and act like a kid. Go fishing, bowling, roller skating, or any place kids go. Forget about your problems for an hour while swinging on the swings or going down the sliding board. After an hour of play you will feel much better. The world will seem brighter and the dark clouds will be gone.

Following these simple steps will motivate you to go forward in your life. You will feel ten times better because you remember you are a star because of your past accomplishments, you set and meet small goals, you surround yourself with positive people, and you take a mental break and play.

What is one thing you will do to brighten up your week this week?

In short, the fable tells of a goose that laid golden eggs, bringing the farmers who owned it many riches and much happiness. However, the farmers, in a spirit of capitalizing on their good luck and in hopes of getting more gold and even richer than they already were, killed the goose in their get-richer-quicker scheme.

If we look at this story and put ourselves in the place of the farmers, the moral is about taking care of our resources. Resources can be many things—both tangible and intangible—from finances, friends, and employees to knowledge, our children, and our talents.

When we max out or neglect any of our resources, their ability to yield a return decreases and ultimately, can cease to exist altogether.

Consider for a second that you are your most important resource. What happens if you don’t take time to recharge, renew, re-energize, and give back to yourself? How does that impact your ability to give to your family? What impact does it have on others around you? And, how likely will you be able to volunteer and help influence changes in your community and in the world at large if you’re maxed?

Five Tips to Renew, Recharge, and Re-Energize Yourself

To take care of your most valuable asset—you!—consider following these five tips:

1. Carve out time for regular renewal. Remember that we make time for the things that are most important to us. If you make yourself a priority—even if this means sacrificing things that feel more important or urgent—you will increase your capacity and ultimately, will be more productive and happy.
2. Find a happy place and visit it regularly. A happy place is a place that uplifts, inspires, and recharges you. It can be inside or outside the home or even a place you can visualize. I have several happy places—some I’m able to go to more frequently than others: flower gardens, aquariums, interactive children’s museums, the ballet, New York City, book stores, or anywhere where I’m hanging with my friends and family—even if it’s just on the phone!
3. Identify activities that recharge you and make them part of your regular routine. Activities that re-energize are those that give you that extra boost and help make day-to-day living meaningful instead of mundane. Some tasks that recharge me include: playing the piano, listening to music, dancing, getting a massage, road trips, reading a thought-provoking book, watching movies, laughing, etc.
4. Make time for reflection. Pondering life, assessing where you’re at, and looking for meaning and purpose can help you identify areas of improvement and ultimately lead to growth and happiness.
5. Recognize the beauty in this world and show gratitude. Life wouldn’t be what it is without the many resources that surround us. Whether it is a higher power, your family, your friends, or others, take time to stop, recognize whose hands created the beauty around you, and give thanks.

Don’t forget that you are your greatest resource! Making time for yourself and finding ways to renew, recharge, and re-energize helps you increase your capacity to be a better you and in turn, give more to others.

Where is your happy place and what is one thing you will do this week to renew and re-energize yourself?

Recently I’ve been looking for ways to actually address the lack of energy, not just try to power through it with a skinny caramel latte, as delicious as it may be.

A Cleaner Diet

The most important change to make to amp up your energy is making changes in food choices.  Processed foods, even seemingly healthy ones, can drain your energy. Choosing foods that are whole and natural makes a huge difference.  Try to choose foods that are as close to their natural source as possible – fruits, vegetables, eggs, beans, lean meats, and nuts should make up the majority of your diet. Anything that comes in a box is pretty far from it’s original source, either in the ground or from an animal, and most likely has gone through lots of processing and contains lots of preservatives.

Water

Sometimes when you feel like you are dragging it is your body’s way of telling you to get hydrated! Drinking enough water can be hard to do when you are busy but proper water intake supports proper organ and body functioning. Keep a large container at home and one at work to fill up a few times a day.

Exercise

Sometimes when you are tired and busy the last thing you want to do is exercise. Even if you feel too drained to exercise you will be surprised by how much energy you’ll actually get out of it. It doesn’t have to be anything hugely strenuous or structured. A 20-minute walk each day can be enough to boost your energy and positively affect your sleep.

It’s hard to make changes as a busy mom. Between work and home it seems like it may be tough to fit in change, but even small changes such as these can provide great benefits.

Day in and day out, there is just so much to do and so many other people’s needs to be met, that spending time on myself feels wasteful, selfish, lazy, even.  I know that conventional wisdom says that moms who take time for themselves are ultimately better equipped to give to others and that nurturing myself will make me a better mom.  Finding ways to schedule “me time,” however, proves more of a challenge.

I have found that I really can get up at 5am and be productive as a work-at-home mom.  But 14 hours later,I am ready to go to bed before my four-year old.  Likewise, I can make time for a quick run, but people seem to prefer that I shower afterward.  There’s just  not enough time for both.

Here is what I have realized: I mother, therefore I multi-task.  While I can’t regularly dedicate blocks of time to myself, I can still enjoy “me time” even when others are around needing to share “me.”

For example, while shopping for children’s clothes, I can luxuriate in a gourmet coffee that I didn’t have to grind and brew myself.  It’ll be the best overpriced latte I’ve ever had.

Afternoon at the pool adjusting goggles, watching new moves off the diving board, and fetching kickboards, I will patiently wait for their break.  During this time, I will lose myself in the pages of my favorite celebrity magazine.

When I need a lift, I will treat my daughters to a spa day.  We can all go to choose nail polish and flower headbands to match.  Taking these to our nearest spa for a full treatment.  I might even indulge in a facial or massage for my guilty pleasure.

At the end of a day, when I can no longer think, I’ll enjoy a nice dose of mindless reality TV while my kids soak in the tub.

I will take the guilt out of guilty pleasures and find mini-opportunities to nurture myself, even when the coast is not entirely clear.  It is very important to treat yourself even to something as small as a gourmet cup of coffee, for a job well done—being the mom who does it all!

Of all the occupations in the world today, I believe the one most challenging, emotionally charged, and time-consuming is that of motherhood.  It is a full-time job in and of itself.  Then, if you add a career of any sort to that occupation, you’re dealing with quite the juggling act!   Where is the balance?  And how do you find it? 

First of all, you need to determine what “balance” means for you.  For me, balance is achieved when you find a system that allows for everyone to be happy, while still completing the necessary survival chores.  In this balancing act are three main factors: Your children, your partner, and YOU!  In a three-part series of posts, I’ll focus on each factor and list ways that can help achieve that balance for which we’re all searching.

Probably the main factor you’re mostly worried about in this balancing act are your children.  Am I spending enough time with them? Are they happy? Will our relationship be as strong as if I were to stay at home with them?  Of course!  Here is what I would suggest:

• Lose The Guilt!  It’s not like you’re going to a salon every day, getting pedicures and massages for yourself!  Your circumstance requires you to be working, in order to provide for your family.  There is nothing wrong with that.  You can make adjustments to your lifestyle that will allow for time spent with your children, to strengthen that bond you may be worried about.  If you need more convincing, check out www.workingmomsagainstguilt.com where four working moms have collaborated ideas on how to “resist the guilt and embrace the journey.”

•  Incorporate your kiddos in your daily chores.  Life doesn’t stop because you have kids. Dinner still needs to be prepared, the house (somewhat) cleaned, etc. I keep a play “station” by the kitchen with books and crayons to keep the kids entertained while I make/clean up dinner so we can still interact.  Both bathrooms and kitchen have step stools handy for involvement from my little people. And we try to make cleaning together “fun”.

•  Schedule “fun” time.  No one in your household will survive if you stick to a rigorous routine.   Break away from it every once in a while to take your kids to the park, bowling, or on a nature walk.  Play dress-up, give piggy-back rides, or read books in a makeshift fort – anything that relieves the stresses you may have felt during your workday and puts the focus on you and your family.

•  Maximize the quality of time spent with your children.  Because of your work schedule, and by the time your kids go to sleep, you really only get to be with them 3-4 hours every day.  Be creative with dinnertime, bath time, bedtime, etc.  Take time to have conversations, sing, and play with them.  These times you spend with your kids are the memories that will stay with them throughout their lives, much more than memories of a dirty kitchen floor!

About the Author:  Camille is a thirty-something mommy with two beautiful daughters, Ad and C8, living in two worlds.  By day, she works full-time  as an employment recruiter/ staffing supervisor, with a 100-mile daily commute, living in a world governed by policies and professionalism.  And by night, she transforms into a mother, living in a world where everything is governed by “Eenie-Meenie-Miney-Moe” and fun.   Like so many other moms, she wishes she could stay at home with them, but certain situations require her to work full-time.  To learn more about Camille visit www.makeitworkmom.comor contact her via twitter @makeitworkmom.

Having some alone time gives perspective, breaks up the routine, and enables kids the opportunity to reflect before jumping back into a situation. And isn’t the same true for adults? The only difference is no one is there to force us to take these much needed breaks.

Last weekend, I experienced as close to that as it comes, but it wasn’t for being in trouble and it provided 100% of the break that I needed.

The Grand America Hotel and Spa offered me and four of my friends (Carina, Marie, Janet, and Allison) the opportunity to stay at their five-diamond hotel overnight to check out their digs and take advantage of their spa treatments. Then, The Melting Pot, which happened to be located right across the street, offered to treat us to dinner. I’d put myself in time out every day if this is what it would be like! And, the weekend put me just in the right spot to return to life in general better prepared to tackle the upcoming week, be a better mom, and deal with the hustle and bustle of the holiday season.

The Experience

Three things in particular made this the best time out evah: X

1. Friends. Sharing common experiences makes life so much richer. When you do that with quality people—people who are uplifting, inspiring, and amazing individuals—it adds to the experience and makes you strive to be a better person as well. While the hotel and restaurant couldn’t have provided this element, they did provide an environment where friendship could flourish. The Melting Pot didn’t wince when our dinner turned into a 4-hour affair. The servers had personality, accommodated our many and varied requests, and didn’t make us feel like we had extended our welcome. The Grand America offered a generous suite and an extended check-out time so we could stay up all night talking and sleep in (and we did both!).
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2. Food/Drink. The Melting Pot’s Alpine Ridge dinner for two (drooling as I think of the cheese fondue!) and The Grand America Garden Restaurant’s buffet didn’t leave us hungry, but who were we to turn down the welcome basket of treats The Grand America left for us or the sparkling lemonade waiting as we exited our massages? What’s a girl to do, right?
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3. Massage. I’ve had a lot of free massages in my life for one reason or another, so I am comparing apples to apples when I write this next statement. The duet massage at The Grand Spa was the BEST.MASSAGE.OF.MY.LIFE. I don’t even know how to put into words what this experience was like. To describe it briefly, two massage therapists work on your body in tandem. Some times, they are doing the exact techniques on opposite sides—one on the right arm, the other on the left, for example. And at other times, they are working together but on different parts of the body—one on the head, the other on the feet. It is a complete trip, a total escape, allowing you to deeply relax. Talk about stress reducing. Suffice it to say that the duet massage was worth every ounce of time spent this weekend and I’m plotting ways to cover the $210 for future appointments (yes! that was plural!).

How You Can Take an Amazing Time Out at a Discount

And right now for the Holidays, The Melting Pot in Salt Lake City, UT is offering an amazing dining deal. Guests who purchase $100 in Gift Cards get a Holiday Gift of four $25 cards that may be used quarterly throughout 2010. But you must come in to the restaurant for purchase, call 521-MELT or email tj@utahmeltingpot.com. (They have extended Holiday hours!)

And if that’s not enough to tempt you, check this out! Use this discount code for your next stay at The Grand America. Follow this link for and exclusive room rate of $100 off! Or mention “Social Media” at the Grand Spa and get 20% off your spa treatment. Hopefully this will help you enjoy a fabulous spa getaway without breaking the bank. Here’s to a much needed time out for all of you and a relaxing holiday season!

Come join us as we pamper ourselves through a chat about chocolate and indulgence at tonight’s girls’ night out (#gno) party on Twitter. We’ll be tweeting with terrific folks from the Zone Perfect team about their new product—Indulgence.

Tonight’s giveaway is a $250 Spafinder gift card! The 200th person to tweet the following wins:

200th person 2 follow @zoneperfect gets $250 Spafinder gc. Winner announced 2nite on #gno 9-11 ET RSVP http://bit.ly/1R1qHM PLS RT

What: Zone Perfect is sponsoring this week’s #gno Twitter party (Click here to learn about #gno!)

When: Thursday, October 22, 9-11 p.m. EST

Where: Click here to party with us on our custom Tweetgrid. (Use hashtags #gno and #zoneperfect.)

Topic: Your Personal Indulgence!

Who: @craftymamaof4 @juliefisk @mommybrain @organizersandy @plussizemommy @savingmycents @stonerjj @zoneperfect

Party Favors: Tonight’s giveaway is a $250 Spafinder gift card! The 200th person to tweet the following wins: 200th person 2 follow @zoneperfect gets $250 Spafinder gc. Winner announced 2nite on #gno 9-11 ET RSVP http://bit.ly/1R1qHM PLS RT

RSVP: Please leave your Twitter ID in the comments to follow and be followed (on Twitter, of course!) by other #gno gals. The best format is as follows: http://twitter.com/jylmomIF.

Sometimes, one of the most important ways to Mom It Forward is to put ourselves as a priority and take time for our most important asset—Ourselves! Week 6′s Summer of Service challenge, sponsored by Design-her Gals, is to Make Some “Me” Time. This means identifying what re-energizes, revitalizes, and renews you; putting yourself as a priority; and taking time for yourself!

This list below identifies 10 possible ways to give back to yourself. Remember, this is “Me” time—things you would enjoy and can do alone or with friends that build, not drain, your energy. For more ideas, join #gno this Tuesday night. And, please share a comment with other ideas you have or things that have worked for you.

1. Read a good book.
2. Take a bubble bath.
3. Get a spa treatment, even if that means giving yourself a pedicure!
4. Write in your journal or on your blog… just for fun.
5. Play a musical instrument.
6. Take on a Do-It-Yourself (DIY) project like scrapbooking, jewelry making, quilting, knitting, sewing, or another craft.
7. Exercise.
8. Take a really long shower and sing at the top of your lungs!
9. Go to the park by yourself, lay in the grass, and just be.
10. Schedule a girl’s night out where you can relax and be with friends or family, but where you are not the hostess.

How Will You Give to Others This Week?

• What other ideas do you have for “Me” time?
• How has taking time for yourself made a meaningful difference this week?
• What happens when you don’t make “me” time?

How Else Can You Make a Difference This Summer?

Make a meaningful difference this summer by taking the Summer of Service (SOS) Challenge. Here’s how you can participate:

• Commit to do one act of kindness/service based on the week’s challenge.
• Leave a comment with ideas relating to the week’s challenge as well as your experience(s) performing it.
• Grab the SOS button in the sidebar and put it on your blog or social networking site.
• Enter to win each week’s giveaway. Check out this week’s prizes from Design-her Gals by clicking here.
• Join #gno this Tuesday on Twitter to connect with other Mom It Forward moms about the challenge.