Then she is off and running – blogging at her own site, ArmyHousehold6, managing the PTO as its President, cleaning her house, and talking to her husband for 30 minutes a day, sometimes on the phone and sometimes by instant message.

For the last 90 days, Tammy has done her job as a parent alone.  Her husband, Sgt. Dan Munson is in the middle of a 365 day deployment.  This mother of two does it all with a smile, knowing her husband’s job is dangerous, but necessary, “He is protecting our freedom and providing for our future.  I just keep things going until he can come back to us.”

Being the one at home is challenging, as much of the information she gets about her husband is ‘need to know’ only.  She explains, “You don’t know what he is doing, if he is safe, if he is hot or cold.” 

So Tammy keeps busy, very busy.  She checks on the needs of her ‘adopted troops’, gathers expired coupons for military families abroad to use, generates donations for care packages for the troops in her husband’s platoon, and does everything in her power to honor the men and women who serve our country.

The program she is most proud of is Help A Service Member Out (HASMO).   HASMO is a rapid reaction team that responds to the needs of military service members and their families. Just about a year ago, Tammy learned of a young soldier severely, Pfc. Hunter Levine wounded in Iraq.  Moved beyond words, Tammy created HASMO to help soldiers like Levine and their families get the support they need.  HASMO has an email list of people willing to help as well as a list of those in need. 

Tammy comes by her respect of the military honestly – her grandfather spent more than 30 years in the service and her father was a member of the National Guard.

Now, her husband, her children’s father, fights for freedom.  He will be home in the Spring for a short time and then he will be gone again.  His deployment ends in Summer 2010. He is guaranteed to be home for 12 months once he is comes back to his family.

Here at home, Tammy counts the days, takes care of her own children and protects her extended military family with her every thought and action.

About the Author: Danielle Smith is a mommy to two smart and sassy small people, as well as the founder and primary author of ExtraordinaryMommy.com. You can catch her hosting a brand new live show, The Spin Cycle, on MomTV.com every Wednesday at 9pmEST. She also hosts a show on Blog Talk Radio and contributes to WhyMomsMatter. Danielle is thrilled to be contributing to MomItForward as ‘giving back’ has always been an important part of who she is and what she hopes to teach her children.

Shellie

Deployments Are Never Completely Easy

Communication, romance, little touches of flirtations here and there, smiles, holding hands, cuddling, and little looks that say I’m thinking about you are all important things to keep a relationship not only alive, but thriving. What do you do when you can’t have that? Military couples face particular difficulty when their partners, themselves, or even both are deployed overseas for extended periods of time. I am not talking weeks or months here. I am talking years.

For some relationships, especially the newer ones, this transition is particularly difficult and even painful. A person goes through a lot during the course of a year, or even 6 months. New interests, new jobs, maturing, new schedules, and one’s ever-growing independence. When your significant other is gone for months, let alone years, it is difficult for both of you to mesh your now very different perspectives, interests, and even work and school into this relationship that has basically been put on hold for a very long time.

You may say that with today’s technologies communication should be easy through that time, but it’s not. Granted it is much easier than it was for earlier vets, but just because you can send emails, IMs, and even the occasional web-cam session, it is difficult to keep the romance alive.

Your decision to marry was not a one-time matter, but is something that needs to be reaffirmed daily, weekly, monthly and annually. This includes the time that is spent apart due to deployments, and can often be more important than when living under the same roof. Make a game plan for staying connected, and try to do the best you can for your family. Sneak a small scrapbook, or photo “brag” book into his deployment bags. This goes a long way to lifting the spirits when he is so far away. Write often, even about the mundane and boring things. Start right away, so there is nothing forgotten, this helps him feel he is still a part of the family’s daily life, even from round the world. Don’t be afraid to complain (he wants to hear the truth and what is real, not sugar and spice) but let him know you are OK, and begin and end every time you get to talk with I LOVE YOU.

When both spouses firmly believe that marriage is a life-long commitment and they work together to strengthen that commitment, their chances of surviving even the most difficult challenges posed by military life are significantly enhanced.

• Speak about expectations… During pre-deployment don’t let shock and separation anxiety let you say things you don’t mean. Discuss decision making, parenting issues, and expectations for communicating during the separation. Make a budgeting plan, update insurance forms, power of attorney documents, etc.

• Demonstrate your strength… It is important to take good care of yourself so that you can manage the stress during the deployment. Taking care of yourself actually eases your service member’s mind so send a note demonstrating your strength and commitment to each other.

• Express your love…Stock up on favorite foods and the comforts of home. This is a time to enjoy each other, re-kindle, and reconnect. Focus on why you initially fell in love with your spouse and don’t forget to express it.

• Tackle what’s next…During the post-deployment phase try not to get caught up in unrealistic or unexpressed expectations as you get back into a new routine. Appreciate what is going well, and be willing to comfort each other and make compromises when needed as you go forward. Remind yourself not to look back, or worry about going forward just enjoy each other in the moment!

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