When I was first introduced to the Fishful Thinking program, I instantly felt a connection with the parent-child activities. The five ingredients of Fishful Thinking—Optimism, Resilience, Goal Setting, Empowerment, and Emotional Awareness—fit in perfectly with my parenting style, or at least my parenting goals. I want my kids to grow up happy and confident and capable.

I have always been a hands-on mom. As my kids have gotten older and more involved in school and other activities, however, I have noticed that we were spending less and less time sitting, reading, and playing together. I decided to do something about that. I made it a goal to try out one Fishful Thinking activity each week with my kids. Not only would we be spending quality time together, but we could be learning things as well.

One week we tried Emotion Charades, a fun activity in the Emotional Awareness section. Before we gathered, I had written down a handful of emotions on small strips of paper. Happy. Sad. Scared. Excited. The kids got into the game right away, and each one had fun acting out the different emotions they picked. Something unexpected happened, though. I noticed that the older kids were reacting emotionally to the little kids’ acted-out emotions. It was hard for them to watch their little brother acting sad, even though they knew it was a game.

Another week, we played Mood Music. We turned the music up loud and danced away. I encouraged the kids to listen to the music and dance the way the music was making them feel. I loved watching the expressions on my kids’ faces and noticing their movements get more intense or more relaxed depending on the type of music being played.

Finally, we arrived at a week when we had gone through most of the Fishful Thinking activities. I came up with the idea to write a letter of the alphabet on individual sheets of paper. I passed the papers around and encouraged my kids to write things that they were grateful for that started with each letter.

The first thing my oldest daughter said was, “Is this a fishful thinking activity?” While it was not one of the activities listed in the website, I felt like it fit right in with what Fishful Thinking is all about. Half way through the exercise, my daughter again piped up, “It feels like Fishful Thinking.” What a great thing to hear from my 12 year old daughter! I was thrilled that Fishful Thinking had become such a common thing in our home that she was beginning to equate it with doing things together, blessings, and feeling positive. It really DID feel like Fishful Thinking! With all of the negatives bombarding my kids all day, I am grateful to have a resource like Fishful Thinking that helps bring us together and focus on the things that are most important.

What is one thing that you do for your child out of habit, rather than necessity?

I asked myself this question after taking the “Can Do Challenge” on the Fishful Thinking website.

“Should I make a list?” I thought.

Having a five-year-old daughter and three-year-old son, I’ve gotten into the “habit” of doing pretty much everything for them. I give them small jobs here and there like picking up toys, helping set the table, and getting themselves dressed. Sometimes it’s just easier (and faster) to do those things myself.

As I read more about Empowerment (belief in one’s self)—one of Fishful Thinking’s five key ingredients—and Mastery Moments, an Empowerment activity, I realized that I needed to be providing more opportunities for my kids to contribute, develop their skills, and make choices.

As I was folding clothes later on that day, I decided to turn this mundane chore into a mastery moment for my son by asking him to find all of the black socks in the pile and count them. “Oh! O-tay, Mom!” he said excitedly. (He loves to help me with the laundry, especially if he gets to spray the stain remover.)

He counted 11 black socks and then announced, “One sock is missing!” I was so surprised—not that the sock was missing (socks disappear on a regular basis around here)—but that he realized one of the pairs was not complete. He was really paying attention.

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The next day she insisted on making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich—a slightly messier process. I had to fight the urge to intervene as she plopped a huge glob of peanut butter on the bread and struggled to spread it evenly. Noah had to get in on the act too. I assisted him a little to save the bread from being completely mangled, but the following day, when he asked to make another one, I mustered the strength to let him do it 95% by himself. He was so pleased with his culinary creation that he ate the whole thing—even the crust!
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In an effort to promote their independence, build their self-confidence, and create even more mastery moments, I am taking on The CAN DO Challenge to resist that inclination to always do things for my kids. And when I feel that urge to intervene “out of habit, rather than necessity,” I will remind myself of this Fishful Thinking Empowerment tip:

Creating space for a child’s exploration of independence can be challenging, but the opportunities for the growth and confidence it provides are worth celebrating!

Click here to join the #gno Twitter party this Tuesday 2/2 from 9-11 PM EST with Pepperidge Farm Fishful Thinking to share parenting advice and activities with other moms and Dr. Karen Reivich, renowned Positive Psychologist.

Prizes

One winner will receive a Fishful Thinking prize pack, which includes one Canon digital camera to capture life’s precious moments and “The Optimistic Child,” co-authored by Dr. Karen Reivich. ($250 Approximate Retail Value)

Extra Entries

To enter for a chance to win the Fishful Thinking prize pack giveaway, you must do the following and leave a corresponding comment and link on this post:

• Follow @PepperidgeFarm on Twitter.

• Visit FishfulThinking.com and find your favorite activity (found under each of the five ingredients). Tweet the name of the activity and a link to that activity. Include the #fishfulthinking hashtag. Here is an example:

My favorite #fishfulthinking activity is Praise with Purpose http://bit.ly/7UYYz6 What’s yours? #fishfulthinking #gno

• Tweet the following:

Discuss positive parenting & connect w/ moms Tues., 2/2 (9-11 pm ET) @ #gno! RSVP: http://bit.ly/bOsFEk #fishfulthinking

Extra Entry

Complete the following option to earn one extra entry for each tweet for a total of two extra entries. Make sure to leave separate comments for each with corresponding links to the tweet(s) on this post.

• Tweet the following:

Check out what 1,100 moms said about parenting on the #fishfulthinking Parenting Survey:  http://bit.ly/4Q7LvH #gno

GIVEAWAY! Enter 2 win @pepperidgefarm #FishfulThinking Prize Pack incl digi camera ($250 ARV). http://bit.ly/cedSUa #gno PLS RT

Terms and Conditions

No purchase necessary to enter. Winners will be selected randomly. Mom It Forward and Pepperidge Farm employees are ineligible to participate. All entries received after Wednesday, February 3 at midnight PT will not be considered. Entries that do not follow all of the entry requirements will not be considered. Winners will be notified and will have 24 hours to confirm receipt of the e-mail. If they do not reply within 24 hours, another winner will be selected. Open to participants in the US and Canada 18 years and older. One entry per person.

For a complete listing of sweepstakes terms and conditions, please click here.

Fishful Thinking^SM is a program sponsored by Pepperidge Farm that provides resources, tips, and activities for raising happy, healthy children. Pepperidge Farm teamed with Dr. Karen Reivich, a leader in positive psychology research, and a mother of four, to provide parents with resources, tips, and activities they can use to help kids tackle life’s obstacles.

Who do you go to for parenting advice? Join us for a night connecting with other moms to share tips and activities for positive parenting! Join us here at #gno on February 2 from 9-11PM EST with Dr. Karen Reivich, the Mom It Forward gals, and the Fishful Thinking team to share a night of parenting support!

• What: Girls’ Night Out (#gno) Twitter party (Click here to learn about #gno!)
• When: Tuesday, February 2, 9-11 p.m. EST (8CT, 7 MT, & 6 PT)
• Where: Click here to party with us on our very own Custom Tweetgrid! (Use hashtags #gno and #fishfulthinking.)
• Topic: Fishful Thinking: A Resource for Positive Parenting
• Who: @1momof5 @cecilyr @karenreivich @noflashcards @pepperidgefarm @sarah0514 @sitsgirls @springtacious @ssmirnov @reneejross @rockandrollmama @writingthewaves @youngmommy
• Party Favors: Click here to enter for a chance to win this week’s giveaway from Pepperidge Farm Fishful Thinking. Deadline: 2/3
• RSVP: Use Mr. Linky below (enter the twitter URL and your twitter ID (e.g., http://twitter.com/jyl_momIF). If you would like to include your blog, please enter it next to your name. Make sure to include your twitter URL in the URL line. Please do not enter your blog URL there.

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Note: Mom It Forward accepts paid sponsorships for most #gno Twitter parties. During the parties, brand sponsors provide tips, techniques, expert advice, and information on party topics. Mom It Forward is grateful for the giveaway prizes, coupons, and discounts that sponsors also provide to the Mom It Forward community in conjunction with #gno Twitter parties.

Now, with two children of my own, I have realized that my parents taught me one of the most powerful lessons a parent could teach—a knowledge and a love of service. So, now as I “drag” my own children from project to project, I have wondered what, exactly, it was that my parents did that helped me turn my drudgery for service into a passion.

Here are 10 tips I have extrapolated from their parenting that I hope to instill in my children.

1. Serve With Your Children. Serving side by side with your children is one of the most powerful teachers of how to serve all while bringing the family closer. While kids may complain, the bonding time you share sticks in their memories as a positive experience. When they have children of their own and search for ways in which to bond with their children, they will want to repeat the positive experiences they had as a child and the cycle will continue.

• One of my most memorable service projects as a child was a family picnic where my dad did all the service. My dad was the president of our local Rotary Club and they were raising money to wipe out Polio. I was 10 years old and remember the hot Arizona day, watching my dad prepare the dutch oven luncheon for the event and him talking to me at length about Polio, explaining why the Rotary Club was focused on raising money to eradicate it, and the importance of my participation. I felt important! I didn’t do a thing but talk to my dad and eat the picnic lunch, but I felt I had made a huge difference for mankind.

2. Talk to Your Children About Giving and Sharing. When you are not able to serve side by side with your children, share in detail your experiences after the event. Specifically, help them understand the need, how you helped to meet the need, and why your giving and sharing was so important. If you can, take pictures or video and share it with them. Your excitement for your volunteering will be contagious!

Family Service Project at Assisted Living Facility

3. Choose Service Activities Your Children Are Passionate About. Service activities come in many shapes and sizes. Identify what is important to your children and choose activities and causes that fit with their interests. Some suggestions include animals, the environment, children will illnesses, an illness a family member suffers from, etc.

4. Choose a Cause That Taps In to Your Child’s Talents, Skills, & Abilities. Does your child play a musical instrument? Does she like to do arts and crafts? Is he good at weeding or picking up trash? Can she make homemade greeting cards? Can he sing in a group? Nursing homes is just one example of a place that allows kids to visit and share who they are with others. This act of sharing and giving boosts self esteem and helps children learn that their talents, skills, and abilities can be used for good.

5. Tie Everyday Tasks Into Service. Make service an everyday activity and giving a constant thought by reinforcing these concepts in simple things like sharing toys, taking turns, secretly doing a sibling’s chores, giving family members hugs and kisses, etc. You can do this by saying things like: “Johnny, great job at sharing your toys with Billy. That shows that you are a giving person.” To help kids recognize the many ways to serve, create a Giving Chart, where they identify either in written or drawing format things they can do on a daily basis to serve those around them.

Cousins Creating Treasure Boxes (Gratitude Charts)

6. Show Gratitude. Helping kids recognize and show appreciation for things they are grateful for is an important aspect of service. Involve your children in gratitude activities such as keeping a gratitude journal or art book; going on gratitude walks; keeping a Daily Gratitude Chart on the refrigerator where you, as a family, can list your blessings; and having activities such as sitting in a circle and sharing what you are grateful for about the person sitting to your right. Check out Fishful Thinking for their Grateful Sayings activity.

7. Add an Aspect of Giving to Holidays & Events. The Christmas and Hanukkah season is a terrific and natural time to give to others, but you can add a touch of service during many other events as well. For example, many people are now donating their birthday gifts to charity.

• When I was 11 years old, my parents enlisted our help in doing the 12 Days of Christmas for a family whose mom was dying of breast cancer. Together, we picked out all of the gifts, items that would help the family feel joy during the holiday season. We created a strategy for how we would anonymously deliver the gifts. Then, we created a schedule of which family member would take responsibility for various tasks: wrapping the gifts, delivering them, etc. Each day, we huddled together after it got dark to work on our tasks and carry out the project. I will always remember that as one of the best Christmases. Not surprisingly, I don’t recall what I received for my gifts that year.

Kids Bowling to Help Fight Poverty in Africa

8. Serve even when you’re away from home. What a better way to get to know and bond with a destination location than to serve it or its community? If you’ll be away on a long trip, you can arrange a project through an organization. Nearly every major city has a homeless shelter or rescue mission, for example. For shorter stays, simple tasks like picking up garbage at a park and smiling at strangers on the street can make a big difference. Before going on a trip, plan as a family by answering the question: What can we do to give back to the towns and people we’ll be visiting?

• When I was 12 years old, my parents gave me the wonderful opportunity of visiting their friends in Costa Rica for the summer and encouraged me to do a service project before I left. I planned and ran a bake sale with the help of some of my church friends. I raised a whopping $30, which felt like a million bucks! Once I arrived, Silvia, the mom of the family I was staying with, took me all by myself to the grocery store where we purchases items for three families—food that would help them survive for 6 months. The most memorable part of my summer was delivering the food to the three families, crying with them as they humbly accepted it, and gaining a stark realization at the age of 12 of how other people suffer and that I had the power to make a huge difference. I count that as one of the most fortunate experiences I’ve ever had and thank my parents for ensuring it happened.

Decorating Tree at Center for Abused Children

9. Do Unto Others as They Need You to Do Unto Them. What’s valuable to teach your kids about service is that everyone needs to be loved in different ways and that finding out and meeting their needs is most important. While some people need your undivided attention, others need a quick smile or hug. Still others may need a meal brought in (and yes, kids can and should help with that!) or their houses cleaned. When you look at a person and ask yourself and your child: What need does that person have and how can we meet it, you are getting at the heart of selfless service.

10. Emphasize the Role of Money in Charity. Giving includes all sorts of things, many of which do not cost a cent. A child can donate old toys, clothes, or art supplies to organizations that need them. But, since charities also require money to operate, volunteer opportunities and causes that require money offer a wonderful way to teach children about its value. For example, just as you can teach kids to save by reserving a percentage of their allowances for a savings account, you can also have them put aside a specific amount for a giving account. Turn this into a craft activity where they get to decorate three cans or envelopes, labeling them: “Spending,” “Saving,” and “Giving”.

For some great child-oriented service projects, read http://www.parents.com/family-life/work-money-politics/volunteering-philanthropy/10-kid-oriented-causes/.

(Top photo used with permission from Flickr.)

What does all this mean? Data supports that moms have influence. And now, companies are paying attention to that data by not only involving moms in focus groups and research up front, but also in marketing initiatives/events and programs during product launches where they literally get to be brand evangelists. For many, it is becoming a full-time business opportunity to help shape and market brands through social media.

Join us here Tuesday, May 19 as these moms chat with us about the brands they’ve been involved with and their experiences with the various initiatives.

When: Tues., May 19 from 9 pm to 11 p.m. EDT (8 CDT, 7 CDT, and 6 PDT)

What: Girl’s Night Out (What’s GNO? Click here to find out!)

Topic: Moms in Social Media Marketing Campaigns


Where: Tweet Grid (use the #gno hashtag)


Who: @alliworthington, @audreymcclellan, @jessicaknows, @designmama, @gwenbell @classymommy, @babysteph, @SITSgirls

RSVP: Use Mr. Linky below (enter the twitter URL and your twitter ID (e.g., http://twitter.com/jyl_momIF). If you would like to include your blog, please enter it next to your name. Make sure to include your twitter URL in the URL line. Please do not enter your blog URL there.