10 Ways to Cultivate Friendship and Health

1. Design a new logo for Quarryhill Botanical Garden in Glen Ellen, California. They also need someone to create a Google Adwords campaign for them. This opportunity is only open for five more days on Sparked.com.
2. Add the All For Good widget to your blog to help your readers more easily access volunteer opportunities, both virtual and IRL, and cultivate the idea that volunteering really isn’t that hard.
3. Help an elementary teacher in Joplin, Missouri cultivate a love of science, learning, and creativity in her classroom by donating $5 through DonorsChoose.org to help buy science supplies for her students, the majority of which lost everything last year when a tornado ripped through their town.
4. Buy some pea or flower seeds and a little bit of dirt, plant the seeds, and help them grow until late Spring or early Summer, then give them to a friend or two, with a note saying: “I grew these for you!”
5. Make a lunch for your husband, kid, or yourself, one more day this week than you normally would, or read one of our posts on healthy living, to inspire you and your family to live more healthily.
6. Find the phone number, website, or email address of the person or department at your husband’s or your work who can tell you whether the company offers wellness incentives, or is planning on providing healthy lunch options.
7. Add a logo badge for the Alliance for International Women’s Rights to your blog or site. The Alliance cultivates future women leaders in developing countries, with a current focus on Afghanistan.
8. Help cultivate an appreciation of, and an imagination about, the past in the younger generation by contributing a memory about a place that doesn’t exist to the Place and Memory Project.
9. Cultivate a love of reading by setting aside 30 minutes tonight to read with or to one of your kids, and talking about your books together.
10. Decorate the door of one of your children or even a friend during the night to cultivate love and friendship.

 How Will You Give to Others This Week?

• Have you ever done any of these things? How did it go?
• What other acts of service have inspired you?
• How have others given to you this week and what difference has that made in your life?

How Else Can You Make a Difference This Season?

• Commit to do one act of kindness/service based on the week’s challenge.
• Leave a comment with ideas relating to the week’s challenge as well as your experience(s) performing it.

There are several things I know for sure about relationships, simply from the commonalities of all my failed ones. The down slope to a failing relationship is our tongue. It usually always starts with something that is said even when there is no intention to hurt the other person; sometimes it just does. The next step down that slippery slope is misunderstanding.

To break it down, the innocent, yet ignorant comment has been taken out of context or misunderstood by the hearer; or the one on the receiving end. This is where all relationships usually fail. With the first person trying desperately to reach their friend not knowing the hurt they have caused; and the second former friend who has stewed far too long on the comments that they have usually taken out of context. In order to spare themselves from any future pain, they shut down and close all lines of communication due to reading too much of a “tone’ in the email, text message, or even face to face interaction. Even if forgiveness is offered, we all know the relationship may never be the same again.

If we thought it was hard for us, it is even more difficult watching your child steer these waters. I have watched my daughter fall in and out of relationships within a day or two. What do you say when they come home and tell you that their very best friend is not playing with them any more and even yelled at them in front of the whole class? I try to help my daughter remember anything that could have caused the misunderstanding. She’s also had to learn how to say “I’m Sorry” even when she feels she is in the right, but the hardest lesson she is having to learn is how to let go.

Letting go is the hardest thing about relationships. When you have done everything you can to repair what has been broken, you have to let go or live in a terrible place called, “what’s wrong with me”? It may be at first, but the best thing for our spirit is to keep the fun memories, throw out the bad ending, and thank God for bringing that person into your life. This is what I’m teaching my child. God brings certain people into our lives to teach us a lesson, or maybe we’re there to teach them something about themselves. Whatever the case, it may be for a specific period of time. It is a lesson I am still learning while I try to help my daughter navigate these waters. My hope is that learning this at seven years old will help her in the teen years when boyfriends enter the picture.

What are you teaching your children about relationships; especially those that are short term?

 Photo courtesy of flickr

Alicia Ivey, a wife, mother, daughter and friend.  She has traveled for over 25 years speaking and singing in different venues to thousands.  She hopes to at least touch a few who need some encouraging words.  Alicia is striving to raise her and teach her daughter by example, which can be very challenging at times.  During her spare time she enjoys writing encouraging words through mybabyclothes.com, where you can find unique baby clothes, beautiful tutus and stylish baby hats.

My younger sister, Lisa, has five children, runs the books for her husband’s business, and is really good at carving out time for her hobbies and interests.

About three years ago, she had the opportunity to join a cooking club. Her club consists of 13 women from all over the Salt Lake Valley. This club has not only given my sister a way to connect with woman that she normally wouldn’t have come in contact with, but it has given her more confidence with her cooking skills. The woman in the club all have different interests and hobbies, but one thing they have in common is the importance of making and eating good food.

When I was talking to my sister, she shared some of the things that her cooking club does to make it fun. I thought it would be fun to share them with you in the event that you wanted to start your own cooking club.

5 Simple Ways to Make a Cooking Club Fun and Fresh

Follow Guidelines and Recipes

The cooking club is once a month. Each one of the women in the club has a chance to host the group in her home and make dinner for them. There are no guidelines as far as what to cook, as long as the meal is homemade and they provide the recipes.

Host a Couples Night

Because there is an extra person in the group, once a year two of the woman host a couples night. This is a fun way for the group to invite their husbands to their cooking club. Because each person is only hosting a dinner once a year, they have plenty of time to find a recipe that is new and different. There is no pressure here. Some people like to go all out with their dinner presentation. It is completely optional. My sister is in charge of the couples meal this year and is excited about introducing a new rib recipe that she found. She thought the men would especially like this meal.

Go on a Retreat

Once a year the cooking club goes on a retreat. One person is in charge of picking a location and working out all the details of the trip. Last year, the group took my sister’s motor home and went to California to see “Wicked,” She said that this was a really fun way to connect with the whole group and expand their interests.

Host a Cookbook Exchange

In December, the cooking group goes to a restaurant for dinner. They each bring one of their favorite books and they do a book exchange at the end of the meal. This is a fun way to make the holidays less stressful and to make sure they are staying connected.

Participate in a “Favorite Things” Exchange

For the month of January, the group each brings 3 of their favorite things to the cooking club night. This has been a fun way for the group to get to know each other better. At the end of the evening, each person goes home with three different things.

After being in the club for three years, my sister is realizing how rare it is that a group of women with different ages, interests,  and backgrounds can come together and really enjoy one another. She is realizing that the group is more alike than she ever thought. They all love to socialize, and connect. The group is really supportive and non-critical. They all make it a point to try everything that is served, and it has been a great way for all of them to learn how to make some quick, easy, and delicious recipes for their families.

It is important to make time for your hobbies. It should be something that you can take time out of your schedule to do. Make your hobby fun and exciting and be willing to include others in on your hobbies as well.

What are some of your hobbies and interest? How can you make sure you make time for yourself?

 Picture courtesy of flickr.

Forming memories is one of the building blocks of successful relationships. And since you never know when you’ll bond over a specific event, activity, or topic, the key is to spend quality time with the people you love so you have ample opportunities to build memories. For example, like when my mom, sisters, and I went to Disneyland, wore matching shirts, and snapped this pic in the hotel bathroom mirror while we were getting ready (see above).

When I think of fun memories, two words come to mind: Muppets and mini horses. Let me explain.

Family Bonding Over the Muppets

After Thanksgiving dinner last week, my sisters and I piled into the car with our families and headed out for our annual tradition of going to the movies on Thanksgiving day. We had been waiting for months to see The Muppets. Who am I kidding? We couldn’t wait at all! We were dying in anticipation of reliving childhood memories of Miss Piggy and Kermie. And we weren’t disappointed.

As children, we watched The Muppet Show each week. We also saw Kermie on Sesame Street. We watched the release of the first The Muppet Movie on the big screen and the others on DVD. We wore out our tape of The Muppet Movie soundtrack and knew the words to every song. We’ve even been known to dance around the house, falling over laughing, as we listened to them in our older years. Image six adults dancing to the Muppet Movie soundtrack. Kind of embarrassing, right? But that’s what memories do. They bring out the kid in you and make you giddy at the thought.

The new movie The Muppets did not disappoint. It had lots of flashbacks to the 80s, including awesome music and a reference to my then favorite actress, Molly Ringwald.

My sisters and I laughed out loud throughout the movie. But, no part struck us as funny as when Walter did his whistling act. Our mom is a non-stop whistler. And, when Walter started whistling, we all erupted in laughter. It was too perfect! (Laughing now as I write this!)

Reliving memories was the perfect ending to a perfect Thanksgiving, reminding me of how grateful I am to have such an awesome family.

How Friendship Formed Over Mini Horses

What I love about memories is that they can help form new relationships.

This past summer, my family took a family vacay to Branson, Missouri. We went to Dolly Parton’s The Dixie Stampede and saw some mini horses race. It was all of our first time seeing a mini horse. My 8 year-old son thought they were hilarious and couldn’t stop laughing for an hour after seeing them.

For whatever reason, I brought up the experience on a drive into the city with Cynthia from Nap Warden—who we had just met—and Jen and Jill from the Mom It Forward team. Cynthia quickly informed us that her mom raises and shows mini horses. She went on to explain that some are used as seeing eye ponies. I immediately texted Troy. His response? He texted image after image of seeing eye ponies wearing sneakers no less so they wouldn’t slip. By that point, we were crying we were laughing so hard.

I’m still trying to figure out how Jen, Jill, and I can get ourselves back to Chicago to road trip to Cynthia’s mom’s house to meet her mini horses.

It sounds ridiculous—similar to why Walter whistling would make us double over in laughter—but that’s how memories are. Sometimes they only make sense to the people who share them.

What memories are you making with the people you love the most? What can you do to create memories to strengthen your closest family and friend relationships?

When my boys were in pre-school, we’d get cabin fever in the winter. The perfect playdate was a trip to the closest fast-food restaurant with an indoor playland. This helped us get out of the house, in from the cold, and gave my kids a way to get out their energy while getting a little exercise. We’d often meet friends there, which would help me get my social on. It was a win-win for everyone!

Now that my kids are well above the height limits on the playlands, we’ve had to get more creative about our playdates.

5 Tips to Creating the Perfect Playdate

Here’s some tips to creating the perfect playdates that both you and your kids will enjoy:

1. Choose a place that you all like to visit. For us, that includes Thanksgiving Point, our local flower gardens; Gardner Historic Village, an eclectic shopping area with antique shops and fun family activities; Discovery Gateway, an interactive children’s museum fun for kids and adults; and Lifetime Fitness, our gym, which boasts an indoor and outdoor pool with slides, a rock wall, and lots of other fun activities for the whole family.
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2. Find a location that allows you to take some “me time.” While your kids are playing, take time to read, write in your journal, do a crossword puzzle, write thank-you cards, or ponder. You don’t have to be alone to get in some me time. Just make sure to keep an eye on your kids while you’re doing it!
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3. Bring along a friend!  Playdates offer the perfect opportunity to get together with your friends and their kids. Agree on a place all of you would like to visit, meet there, and enjoy an afternoon together.
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4. Mix up your playdate locations and types to add variety. Diversity is the key to keeping playdates fun and fresh. One suggestion is to create a list that you and your kids contribute to of places you all want to visit. Some ideas include: Going to story time at your local library, checking out the animals at the zoo or aquarium, going on a scavenger hunt at a local park, going on a nature/photo walk, visiting a local museum, going to a sporting event, playing at an indoor or outdoor playground, singing at an assisted living facility or nursing home (or volunteering in the community in some other way), etc.
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5. Stay home. I know! It’s not unique, clever, or creative. But, kids often do not need more than simple things—like a suitcase, for example—to create an afternoon full of play. Staying home allows you to accomplish your tasks while your kids play. And, if you’re in the mood, invite over a friend for your kids to play with.

How do you create the perfect playdate? Where are your favorite places to go? What are your favorite things to do?

A little over 2 years ago, I saw an awesome commercial by Famous Footwear in which a girl jumped into a pool with all of her clothes on. She was wearing an awesome blue cocktail dress and high heel shoes.

A month later, I was at an event in Denver, Colorado and my new friend Aimee became my partner in crime as we led a group of fully clothed women jumping and screaming into the Warwick Hotel’s heated rooftop pool. “Wow,” I thought, “This is both liberating and a great bonding experience!”

My jumping spree continued to Nevada with Krista Parry; to Arizona with Kelly Loubet, Tiffany Romero, and Nicole Bullock; and twice in Park City, Utah at the evo Conference with groups of 30-ish give or take a few.

Here’s last year’s evo Conference pic…

Here’s the before for this year’s pic…

Here’s the after…

There’s something so freeing about jumping. Whether it’s on the trampoline, off a diving board, into a pool with all of your clothes on, or on the side of a road next to a state sign you’re posing for…

Or on the pier overlooking Lake Washington…

Or this one at Universal Studios (with friend Jenny)…

I won’t lie. This new-found passion of mine is a little quirky (just in case you thought I thought it was totally normal!). But, life is too short not to live it to the fullest. Every once and a while, in the midst of worrying about how to pay the bills, raising perfect children, being the perfect person, and scratching your head as you try and figure out how to fit it all in and balance it all, it’s nice to remind yourself that taking a step back… or a jump in the air… can help you gain important perspective, not to mention have fun and connect with friends in the meantime!

What helps you gain perspective? Take a step back? Or simply have fun and live life to the fullest?

Let’s get one thing out of the way right off the bat. I hate the word “slum.” It sounds so dirty, depressing, and socio-economically divisive. I’m sure the word isn’t intended to convey that meaning, but in my mind it does.

So, I went to Kibera today ready to defy the perception the word conjures up in my mind and excited to see a beautiful culture and the community that exists within its walls.

And I wasn’t disappointed.

Before entering the neighborhood’s interior, we visited an organized called Carolina for Kibera whose purpose is to “advance health, education, and ethnic cooperation, gender equality, and economic empowerment, and equip leaders with tools to strengthen the community.”

While there, I met Anjella Nancie, who volunteers with the organization. Of all things, we bonded over eye shadow. Her blue sassy shade perfectly matched her shirt. If you know me at all, you’ll know I’m a lot obsessed with MAC.

What I found was that talking about something as seemingly inconsequential as eye shadow helped me to first and foremost connect with Anjella. We had fun talking make-up shop. And second, in an odd way, helped me find hope in the situations I was about to learn about—extreme poverty, rape, teenage pregnancy, mortality rates, and the like. And ultimately, what I saw was a community rich in color—richer even than our eye shadow, with people wearing big bright smiles, and welcoming us into their homes, where I was fortunate to hold 4-year Nicole on my lap while talking to her mother, Mercy, about what a typical day looks like in her life and her goals and the dreams she has for her daughter.

Tonight, Anjella friended me on Facebook where we can connect more about both trivial and complex issues like eye shadow and teen leadership and hopefully make people like Mercy’s goals and dreams come true.

Subscribe to http://ONE.org/us/actnow/moms as it partners with organizations like Carolina for Kibera to provide medical, educational, agricultural and other help to developing nations.

My pilates teacher recently confided in me that she had to end a friendship with a mom she loved because of the way the kids interacted. “I didn’t like the influence her kids were having on mine,” she said.

Does that seem drastic? Not really. One of the most critical distinctions I’ve observed between people who live rich lives and leave great legacies is that they monitor their associations. It might be as simple as saying no to answering a toxic phone call, or it might be more complex. It might involve putting distance between your family and another because your values don’t match. Our associations matter.

And it’s these decisions that can impact the rest of your life. Sometimes it’s a very small modification to your lifestyle and habits. And it’s a lot like losing weight. I have a friend who wanted to lose 10 pounds so she cut out two things: soda and bread. Everything else in her life stayed the same. But with that slight modification she lost 10 pounds!

When it comes to legacy we often think that it’s the big decisions, like choosing the right school, that carry the most impact. But it’s the daily decisions we make habits we allow, media, thoughts, and people that we associate with. Parents do a great job of guarding our children. Isn’t it funny how that works? But this distinction also applies to our lives when we grow up.

Our friends either add to our lives or detract from them. If your marriage was struggling it would be time to examine the people in your inner circle and stop hanging around the ones who didn’t have healthy marriages. We learn best from those who have achieved what we desire. Surround yourself with what you need in the same way you do for your children.

Are there associations you need to let go of? How do you plan on moving to a healthier place by letting go of the baggage and toxic associations?

[Photo Credit]

Tammy Kling is a life coach, advocate for the homeless, and international author of 29 books including The Compass. Tammy is also the founder of Write it Out, an organization that helps gang members, the homeless, and those living on the street write out their hopes & dreams via writers workshops, free journals and various other resources. She’s also the mom of two boys, an avid trail and mountain runner, blogger, and adventure travel writer.

Is there a special friend in your life who has been there for you through thick and thin?  Do you want to find a way to let her know how much her friendship means?  When a simple “thank you” doesn’t quite seem big enough, here are some gracious ways to show your friend how much she means:

1.    Put It in Writing

You might not think that saying “thank you” is enough, but putting your words in writing may be quite meaningful, indeed.  I’m not talking about a Facebook post or e-mail (though those never hurt), but rather a good, old-fashioned, pen-to-paper handwritten note.  Why not include a box of lovely stationery as a small gift to accompany your heartfelt expression of gratitude for your friend?

2.    Create IOU’s

If there is one thing most Mama-friends have in common, it is a scarcity of time!  Rather than pick out a pricey gift that might just duplicate something she already has, why not consider a gift that speaks to what she really needs: a few extra moments.  Give her an IOU for free babysitting while she enjoys time with her spouse, bring her a few meals that she can pull out of the freezer at any time, or offer to run her errands for a week.

3.     Spend Time Together

If not saving her time, how about the gift of spending time together?  If your friend loves the outdoors, why not scope out a spot for a good hike or bicycle ride?  If she’s a girly girlfriend, how about planning for a mani/pedi Mom’s Night Out?  Spending time together doing enjoyable things is one of the best ways to show someone how much they mean to you.

4.     Help Others Spend Time Alone

Moms always talk about the value of spending time with loved ones, but what so many of us really want is a few precious moments alone.  To show your friend how grateful you are, consider picking out a special book that she has been dying to read (then hanging out with her kids while she reads it!).  A movie buff might love the gift of a Netflix subscription.  On demand, she can pick out her very own movie and spend some time in her own world, enjoying it.  You pop the popcorn (extra butter!) and take the kids to your house while she indulges in the flick.

I’m always amazed at the answers I get back from this question. Women tend to respond with, “I’d get caught up on chores” while men tend to lean toward the “I’d go fishing with the guys.” Kiddos tend to be the most honest: “I’d go play with my friends!”

Looking back over the month, I’ve shared tips for Dating Your Kids, Dating Your Partner and of course Dating Your Girlfriends. Now it’s time to take a look in the mirror.

Let me get one thing straight though, dating yourself does not mean you have to be alone! It simply means you are honoring that child within that gets shushed on a daily basis.

Favorite “Me” Dates

Here are some of my personal favorite ways to spend “me” time:

• Play a board game with the kids. Of course, I get to choose the game and I get to go first! The kids actually love it when I put on my kiddo hat!
• Clear my DVR when I should be doing the dishes. This is usually accompanied by a cup of cocoa or glass of wine, depending on the time of day.
• Order lunch on days I’m really busy behind the computer. I even invite my husband sometimes!
• Baking something my taste buds will love and then insisting I don’t have to share, of course I always do!
• And my latest hobby? Angry Birds on my Droid. Yes, it’s a sickness I’ve chosen to have!

The point to this exercise isn’t to shove one more thing on your to-do list. Quite the contrary. Dating yourself is about sneaking off the radar and refueling and connecting with the things that make you giggle or at the very least smile at yourself.

Knowing why you’re focusing your time on these activities is the best way to ensure they happen.

I’ve brought so many clients to tears by simply asking, “What do you do for yourself?” Now I make it part of my practice to help them identify the answer to that simple question and implement the solution.

So, how are you going to find the time to date yourself this week? And, what are you going to do?