May is the month to celebrate your mom. Like many other holidays, Mother’s Day is about tradition, spending the day with her, taking her to a nice lunch, and perhaps giving her a gift to express your love and appreciation. Perhaps you can use one of these ideas to start a new tradition with your mom (or the mom in your life).

How to Make New Mother’s Day Traditions

• Moms love flowers! Bought or picked from the yard, you will make her day with a beautiful bouquet of fresh flowers.
• Make her a homemade card. Artwork and sweet sentiments from her child will mean much more than a card you might spend $5 on at the store.
• Wake her with breakfast in bed. Let the kids help make muffins, pancakes, waffles or whatever her favorite breakfast food may be.
• Make a special coupon book just for mom. Coupons can be a night off from cooking, washing dishes, cleaning the bathroom, vacuuming, sweeping, walking the dog, or could be for a special snuggle/reading time together with child.
• Give mom a gift certificate for a massage, facial or manicure/pedicure. Treat your mom to a day of luxury and relaxation.
• Make a video especially for mom. Record thoughts, memories and sentiments from the kids. The kids can make a giant Mother’s Day card or sign for the video and then give it to her after she sees the video.
• Let mom call the shots. Spend the day doing something mom likes to do like going to the park, hiking or playing games.

What are some ways you show your mother how much you love her?

Robin Greene wishes all the Mommies and Mommies-to-be a very Happy Mother’s Day! Robin has been married for over 15 years and has two teenagers. She enjoys freelance writing for mybabyclothes.com, where you can shop for the most precious baby clothes, beautiful baby tutus and dapper baby hats.

After many pregnancies and miscarriages, Adrienne and her husband decide to have their family in a non-traditional way; surrogacy. Adrienne develops a friendship with the woman carrying not only one baby, but twins. This is a story of friendship, sacrifice and love. It is about an American family searching for a way to complete their family, an Indian couple searching for a better future, and a doctor that was able to offer both of them what they wanted.

Book Club Details

• What: Join us for an online live chat all about Motherhood. We’ll be discussing the book, “The Sacred Thread”. We are also excited to have the author, Adrienne Arieff, be joining our book chat.
• When: Wednesday, April 25 from 2-3 p.m. EST (1 p.m. CT, 12 p.m. MT, & 11 a.m. PT).
• Where: Party with us in our very own Mom It Forward Chat Room. (Click here to go to the MomItForward Chat Room.)

See you then!

]]> http://momitforward.com/april-book-club-sacred-thread/feed 1 http://momitforward.com/heather-ledeboer http://momitforward.com/heather-ledeboer#comments Mon, 26 Mar 2012 23:00:49 +0000 Jamie Moesser http://momitforward.com/?p=47637 Being a mom, and being the best mom she can be, is a passion of Heather Ledeboer’s. She is the proud mother of five children, “four on earth and one in heaven,” and, like Jenny Eckton and Loralee Choate…

I am also trying to teach them valuable lessons they can apply the rest of their lives. My son has fallen into friendships and conflict resolutions pretty naturally. That is not to say that he doesn’t have things to work on. He is definitely a work in progress.

My daughter is a new teen and has it a bit harder. There are 13-year-old friend adjustments taking place, plus the natural changes in her body that make things quite confusing. The mix of the two can make life a bit emotional. She is a highly motivated, passionate girl, so I am always looking for ways to encourage her.

Books to Help You Parent Your Teenagers

Last year I found two fantastic books that have helped us along the way.  The first one’s for me. It is called The Five Love Languages. I learned so much about my husband, kids and everyone else in my life with this book. I also learned about myself and what I need in the way of relationships and love. This is a must read for newlyweds and anyone struggling to understand someone important in their life. Gary Chapman breaks down 5 identifiable ways that we give and like to receive love. Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. When I am frustrated with my kids’ decisions, I take a deep breath and stand back for a moment and think of their love language. What are they really trying to say with their actions? This has stopped me from making quick judgements and I react in a different way than I normally would. There is also a version for teenagers.

The second book is for teen girls who are struggling with relationships. It is an updated sequel to a best seller by Dale Carnegie written by his daughter Donna. It is called How to Win Friends and Influence People for Teen Girls. It is written in easy to understand language with great examples and things to try. I LOVE this book! It helps girls (or anyone for that matter) focus on others and the signals that often are interpreted incorrectly. It also sheds light on how to get out of your own head, begin to understand others and get what you need out of much needed relationships. Here are some of the chapter headings- The Big Secret of Dealing with People, Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Making Friends, Listen Up, and Admit Your Mistakes. This is a must read for any girl about to enter Junior High, and could be something that she refers to over and over again in her quest to maintain strong relationships.

I think the most important thing our teens should feel is value. A long time ago when my kids were little I read somewhere that “whatever you say about your kids will be.” If you are always saying, “He is so aggravating! I just don’t get him!” that is exactly what you will get. Kids know how we feel about them. It is hard not to think negatively about unwanted behaviors but we can also hope for the best and choose to see the good first. If our children feel loved and accepted, they will take our counsel so much better. They will also make better decisions and want to please us more. We have to stay positive in our approach to parenting and we will gain greater relationships with these wonderful people we are raising. We really can enjoy the teenage years. It just takes a lot of love and hard work! But, oh… is it worth it! Hang in there!

What are some resources that have helped you deal with your teenagers?

Susan lives in Boise, Idaho, and is a self-taught artist and a jack of many artsy trades. She is married to professional artist and has two great teenagers. She has her hand in a lot of pots. She in very involved in her community and church. She loves friends, family, movies, eating out, laughing, and  vacationing to warm destinations! She just started her own blog! Visit susansspinningplates.wordpress.com.

Growing Up With Epilepsy

I’m 14. One day I’m watching an after-school special with my classmates about a kid with Epilepsy. He has a seizure during a basketball game. Isn’t that funny? We’re laughing. We don’t understand. We all join in on the laughter.

It’s a month later and now I’m having a seizure.

A week after that, I’m on medication that makes me fall asleep in the middle of class. I’ll be on it for the rest of my life. I’ll drop a gallon of milk, because my hands are so unsteady I can’t hold it.

My teachers will get mad at me, because my otherwise beautiful handwriting somehow turns sloppy. As it turns out, a gallon of milk isn’t all I can’t hold. Even a pencil is tough.

I’ll break my jaw in three places. I’ll fracture my skull. I’ll get 42 staples in my head. I’ll break off all of my front teeth. My platelets will drop into the below normal range, spotting me with bruises, and we won’t know why. I’ll have bone marrow aspirations to discover.

I’ll lose hair. I’ll gain weight. I’ll be scared to get pregnant. I’ll have high-risk pregnancies. I’ll have seizures in an airplane, at the gas tank, and in a parking lot. I’ll give speeches and wonder every time what will happen if I fall and whether people will still see me as normal if I do.

But, I don’t see all that coming when I’m 14. I can’t know it, but even still, I have had a seizure. And suddenly the after school special doesn’t seem as funny. I’m not laughing anymore. I work hard to hide my secret, because I don’t want the kids laughing at me like we laughed at basketball boy. Because now, I’m that kid with Epilepsy. And I grow tired trying to hide my secret. And finally, I have a seizure that everyone sees and the secret has been uncovered. And, I am horrified and relieved all at once, even as I struggle to learn that everyone has their things and that there is no such thing as normal.

Parenting Children With Health or Other Challenges

Back to current time. You’re the parent. You have a challenged child. Meaning that your child has Epilepsy or Diabetes or is on the Autism Spectrum or has Schizophrenia or Food Allergies or Low Self-Esteem or a mixture of other challenges. You want to raise him or her with confidence, with the opportunities to enjoy a happy childhood without worrying about such seemingly adult challenges like health or mental health or other such issues. You want to help navigate through the symptoms. You are scared. You don’t have all the answers. What do you do? Where do you go for help?

While I can only speak from the point of view of someone who has epilepsy and not the parent of a child with epilepsy, I have had many conversations with my mom about how she parented me.

7 Keys to Parenting a Challenged Child

My 10 year-old son suffers from anxiety, so now it is my turn to take all of the lessons I learned from her and to apply them as a parent. Here are some things I learned from my mom that I hope will also help you:

1. Increase understanding. First and foremost, learn everything you can about your child’s diagnosis. This could take years, but search high and low, online and offline, to get in the know!
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2. Find support. Whether you join a support group in your community or find one online, make sure to reach out to others with children in similar circumstances. Not only are other parents great resources for information, they will help you feel that you aren’t alone in your parenting struggles.
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3. Set realistic expectations. Once you are armed with information, help your child learn to understand his or her challenges. Do this in a factual way. For example: “You have epilepsy. If you don’t take your medication, you will most likely have a seizure. If you do take your medication, you may experience some side effects, but they won’t be as bad as having a seizure.”
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4. Learn to live within limitations. I found that I really wanted to be in control of my health, so learning what I could and couldn’t control was really important to me. In my situation, I could control whether or not I took my medication. But I couldn’t control whether I had a seizure. However, the risks of me having one almost 100 percent decreased if I took my medication. So, it was up to me! Knowing that helped me feel in control and like I had options.
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   Note: I pushed every limit as a teen. I skipped taking my meds. I lived with a lot of stress. I stayed out all night in college, etc. And, I reaped the consequences every time until I finally said: “I HATE having seizures. I’d rather live within my limitations than have one.” So, if your child is pushing limits, consider it part of their growth process of learning to live within their limitations. Ultimately, it is up to them to decide the lifestyle they want to have and to choose accordingly.
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5. Don’t compare. Every person, whether you can detect it or not, lives with challenges. Not everyone has health issues. You just can’t compare your challenges as a parent to the challenges other parents face. So don’t compare! You’ll be miserable every time.
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6. Give opportunities for growth. If I could only give huge kudos to my mom for one thing, it would be for her ability to help me feel like I could do anything, even when some things were more difficult for me. If your child is challenged, regardless of how severe, find opportunities that make sense for him or her and offer ways to help achieve success in those areas.
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   My mom was really scared to let me travel alone, but I really wanted to be a foreign exchange student. She got a lot of push back from other parents, including family members, when she encouraged me to interview for a spot. But I never knew that until I was an adult. All I knew as a teenager was that she helped me prepare for the interview and was ecstatic when I got accepted into the program. My dad was the same. She always made me feel that I should reach for the stars. If I worked hard enough or was resourceful enough, she thought I could achieve anything. It didn’t mean she wasn’t scared. Or didn’t lose sleep. But, I grew up thinking I could do anything and eventually forgot epilepsy may get in my way.
   Note: I did have a seizure while I was a foreign exchange student and my mom’s worst nightmare came true. But, it taught us all that I could handle my health challenges on my own, which was an important lesson for a 17-year old to learn (and the parent of a 17-year old)!
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7. Get help! Some challenges are far more severe and difficult to deal with than something like epilepsy. I have a brother with schizophrenia and I always think that my epilepsy prepared my mom for that much bigger challenge and yet if you ask her, she’ll tell you that nothing prepares you for something like Schizophrenia or mental illness in general.If you are feeling hopeless or don’t know what to do, reach out to someone with more information. Talk to a doctor or other parents about ways to get help and then seek out that help. Information is the first step, because knowledge is power.
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8. Have hope! This is so easy to say, especially in tough moments. But, do whatever you can to build a reservoir of hope. Recognize that you may have to go through a grieving process. Come to terms that this situation may be long term. Then, have hope, knowing that with information, support, and going through the other steps listed above will help you to do everything you can to influence your child’s life. Ultimately, the health struggles he or she faces will be outside of your control, but how you deal with them and in turn, how you teach your child to approach them and manage them, is completely within your influence.

I am now 41 years old. I have two happy and healthy boys. I am married to a fantastically funny guy! I enjoy life by eating large amounts of cheese, dancing like crazy whenever I get the chance, traveling to the ends of the earth and back, and (yes!) giving speeches even though I am nervous I may have a seizure. And life is good! Now… to help my son face his challenges with anxiety so he, too, can feel that life is good!

What tips do you have for raising kids with health or other challenges? How do you help them enjoy life in spite of their challenges?

Photo 1 courtesy of Flickr and Photo 2 courtesy of Flickr.

I married at 27 and immediately, the questions came: “When are you going to begin having all of those 11 kids?” “How soon will you start a family?”

For the first time since my doctor started discussing pregnancy with me nearly 10 years earlier, I got scared. Between that time and the time I became Mrs. Pattee, my platelets decreased (due to my medication) to a much more than below average rate. I researched the birth defects and diseases my medicine was known to cause. I had too much information—information that caused me to feel that making it out of pregnancy as a healthy mom and with a healthy child was anything but certain and definitely something I couldn’t control.

So, I went through many years of denial, putting off the decision to have children until my 30th birthday at which time I realized that nothing in life is certain and some things are worth the risk. Having children, to me, was one of those things worth risking.

It’s funny, because once I made the decision, I didn’t look back. My anxiety melted away. I moved forward doing everything I could to be healthy and focused on learning about the baby growing inside of me.

Ultimately, nothing I was nervous about prior to getting pregnant materialized. My baby boy arrived healthy and with a full head of red hair, screaming and ready to take on the world. I had other complications though—pre-eclampsia, a near stroke at birth, and the inability to produce milk and nurse my baby. But all these things, however scary or frustrating in the moment, had solutions.

When I think of the potential complications I didn’t experience and the minor ones that I did, I am overwhelmed with gratitude for medical advances that made a happy and healthy mother and son and an ecstatic new father our reality.

Today, I’m not much different than I was as a child. I still like to feel certainty and a degree of control in my life. But, my definition of control has shifted and instead of thinking of things in terms of what I can control, I think of things in terms of what I can influence and what I have to be grateful for in life.

As someone who has lived with epilepsy for nearly 30 years, I know that I can influence my health tremendously by doing a few things—getting enough sleep, taking my meds daily, and decreasing my stress. While I was pregnant, I could additionally influence the outcome of a healthy baby by taking the recommended vitamins, most specifically folic acid.

Focusing on those areas of influence, rather than on what I could or could not control, were keys to a successful pregnancy.

I recognize things could have turned out differently. Sometimes, regardless of taking every precaution, the path can change. But focusing on things within our sphere of influence is the best chance we have at having healthy outcomes.

What did you do to stay healthy in your pregnancies? What can you do now to maintain good health?

My husband, @troypattee, has pretty much put me on a grocery shopping moritorium. I haven’t been to Costco alone in years. I am a sucker for “great deals.” And, I have lots of dishes and oversized bottles of Olive Oil to prove it. Can you relate?

But, one thing that has helped us get organized when it comes to groceries is Cozi.com and their online grocery shopping list and accompanying mobile app. All I have to do is make my list online and it syncs real time with the mobile app. Whenever Troy happens to be at the store (click here to see why he wears the shopping pants in our family), he can immediately see what we need and what to buy.

This was a recent find that I’m super thrilled about, because of what it has done for our family organization in the area of grocery shopping.

Apps, Websites, and Online Tools to Organize Your Family

Because of how helpful Cozi has been, I got to thinking of other online resources that have helped organize our family’s lives. Here are some I recommend:

• Google: I know! It sounds simple, but google’s calendar has changed our lives. I have three color-coded calendars: one for personal/family, one for my Mom It Forward work, and one for the evo Conference I co-organize. I especially love the calendar sharing feature, which allows you to share each calendar with different people. I have my husband copied on all three so he knows my plans for the week. The great thing about Google is that it interfaces with other calendaring systems, like Cozi.com.
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• AboutOne.com: This is a great site, allowing you to store all important family data like health, education, and even car maintenance records.
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• 1password.com: Have you ever forgotten your password? Try this site. It stores them all for you and you only to remember one for all of your accounts. Is that awesome or what? Love this!
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• My Job Chart: This is a fabulous online chore chart with built in incentives. It is great at helping organize your family’s chores and is fun for kids.
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• Apps for Moms: If you want a one-stop shop to find great apps for moms sorted by category, like this one from AllRecipes.com called Dinner Spinner, check out Apps for Moms, which directs you to a variety of apps for every need.
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• Pinterest: I’m convinced that the whole world has started cooking more and doing more crafts since the invention of Pinterest. As a busy mom, I love this visual bookmarking site because it allows me to store recipes, parenting tips, craft ideas, and more by category. So, when I need a quick dessert to take to a Christmas party or a gift for my kids’ teachers, all I have to do is go to my page and check out my pins and voila! Instant information.

What apps, websites, and online tools help keep your family organized?

Whether being a better parent is one of your New Year’s resolutions or if you’re always in the market for parenting tips and motherhood tricks, start now to establish good habits with your children. Raising them to be responsible and showing them the benefits of that trait is a great way to start this new year.

10 Parenting Tips for Raising Responsible Children

Here are 10 ways you can teach responsibility to your kids:

1. Start young. Young children can help us set the dinner table or put their toys in the toy box.

2. Show children how tasks should be done. Be clear with your expectations. Kids are imitators and they do much better when they are shown how to do something. Let’s use those imitation skills to our advantage!

3. Let kids show someone else how a task should be done. Nothing reinforces a skill like teaching it to another person.

4. Be trustworthy and dependable. Children watch us like junior reporters, monitoring our every move. If they see us being responsible, trustworthy, and dependable on a regular basis, they are more likely to conclude being responsible is just a given.

5. Apologize when you make a mistake. Kids already know we make mistakes, so we might as well admit them when we do. If we own up to our mistakes without blaming someone or something else, we show our children there is no shame in being wrong or falling short, especially when we accept responsibility for it.

6. Give children a role or responsibility within the family. It’s important to give them a task that really matters and let them know exactly why it matters. If you have a dog, changing out the puppy pad is important for both the family and the dog— both sides are thankful!

7. Expect them to make mistakes. It is so easy to forget, especially with older children and teens, that even though the body looks like an adult on the outside, the inside still has an incomplete operating system, i.e. their brains are not yet fully developed.

8. Avoid nagging, yelling, and criticizing. As hard as it might be, we have much less conflict when we avoid nagging, yelling, criticizing or other emotional displays when we are teaching or correcting.

9. Work together as a family. Our children are not here to do the chores we don’t want to do ourselves. Everyone in the family can take a turn doing the “yucky” chores, such as cleaning the dogs teeth at home or cleaning out the litter box.

10. Provide friendly reminders to your children. Remind our children that everybody has to do things they don’t like at one time or another; raking leaves is not your hobby – you do it because it needs to be done – and so should they.

Talking with our children about what it means to be responsible, and the opportunities it affords is the first step to raising responsible children. People who are responsible have better reputations, more educational options, and the freedom to work at a job they like.

How do you help your child learn about and practice responsibility?

Jane Warren writes about home life, parenting and pet care. She enjoys spending time on the ocean, scuba diving and international travel.

Photo courtesy of Flickr.

For my mom, sewing is just part of who she is. My grandmother taught her to sew when she was little and my mom kept it up, making everything from our clothes when we were little to our curtains, table clothes, and all of my sister’s prom dresses.

She started getting paid for her talent a few years ago when she started sewing for the local theater. And not just sewing, but figuring out exactly how to make costumes the come to life on the stage complete with era-appropriate attire.

During a practice for one of her latest plays, The Civil War, we sat together watching the cast learn their parts while she explained to me the challenges with each piece.

“The lead is 7 months pregnant, she shared, “so her dress would have to be longer in front than in back. And the girl next to her had a boob job and was really skinny.” According to my mom, this was more problematic for a seamstress than you’d think. The list went on and on. I sat there amazed at both her excitement and knowledge of costuming.

The older I get, the more I see themes in my mom’s behavior, many centered in her personality and the things she is passionate about, including her talents. Those themes thread through our family and are a legacy she is weaving for us. And I am sure, it is these very things that we will miss most and remember with smiles about her when she’s gone (which, I hope, will be a very long time from now).

What talents does or did your mom possess? How did those talents benefit your family? And what traits or skills did they help you develop?

10 Tips for Making Healthy Family Living More Enjoyable

Check out these 10 tips shared at a MomItForward Twitter Girls’ Night Out (#gno) with Together Counts for ideas on making healthy living fun for the whole family.

1. Mix it up when it comes to packing lunches. In addition to the usual whole wheat bread sandwich with carrot sticks or fruit, try adding things like bok choy, which is a valuable source of folate and vitamins A, C and K.  @Vidia2Be packs it daily, vacuum sealing it for freshness. @OhioCatfish packs frozen strawberries, which thaw by lunchtime. And @MarlaMeredith offers a whole list of healthy lunch box tips.
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2. Plan theme dinners. Categories like Mexican, Soup Night, etc. are common. But what about Dinner Roulette, Finger Foods, Ghoulish Creations, and Colors, which is what @Vidia2be does?
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3. Add music to your dinner routine. @Bodhi_Bear says: “You know who is great at theme dinners that are meatless? BryantTerry: themes include music soundtracks.
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4. Make healthy versions of family favorites, like mini pizzas (see @Whyveg’s video recipe), or chili with Quinoa, from @SavorTheThyme. Quinoa is an amino acid-rich seed that has a fluffy, creamy, slightly crunchy texture and a somewhat nutty flavor when cooked.
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5. Schedule frequent family meals. If possible, plan more than one meal together a week. Try these conversation starter cards from @CherishBound to help spark conversation.
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6. Try unique ways to be active together, such Muggle Quidditch, which is apparently becoming all the rage, according to @WriterUnblocked and @CBSNews.
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7. Play paintball together, which @EarthAngel2Be says is better in cooler temperatures because of all the gear.
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8. Use computer/video gaming/TV time as an incentive. Have computer, video game, or TV time be the reward for spending active time playing. @EarthAngel2b says it was easy with her five kids.
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9. Cook with sweet potatoes more. @WhyVeg provides this great plan for Lily Pads, Yam Yums, and a fabulous dipping sauce, and says: “I have found that with my 3 year old daughter just renaming some foods with silly substitutes or cutting the “usuals” into cute shape will get her interested and eating some different foods.”
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10. Involve the family in the meal-planning process, as recommended by @Bodhi_Bear, or at least have them write down a list of their favorite foods, as a starting point to thinking about what they do and don’t like about healthy foods.

Ultimately, no one will live healthily if it’s not enjoyable in some way, especially our kids. Making healthy living fun or interesting can make a mother’s job easier. And ultimately, a son or daughter who is healthy is more able to think outside themselves and consider the needs of others.

How do you keep your family fit and healthy? What tips do you have for making healthy living fun for your family?

Photo courtesy of Flickr.