We’re hosting an online book club at Mom It Forward to discuss ways to teach your kids and teens better manners through games and fun activities. It’s called, “365 Manners Kids Should Know: Games, Activities, and Other Fun Ways to Help Children and Teens Learn Etiquette” by Sheryl Eberly and Caroline Eberly.

Book Club Details

• What: Join us for an online live chat all about parenting. We’ll be discussing the book 365 Manners Kids Should Know: Games, Activities, and Other Fun Ways to Help Children and Teens Learn Etiquette by Sheryl and Caroline Eberly.
• When: Wednesday, February 29 from 2-3 p.m. EST (1 p.m. CT, 12 p.m. MT, & 11 a.m. PT).
• Where: Party with us in our very own MomItForward Chat Room. (Click here to go to the MomItForward Chat Room.)

See you then!

Growing Up With Epilepsy

I’m 14. One day I’m watching an after-school special with my classmates about a kid with Epilepsy. He has a seizure during a basketball game. Isn’t that funny? We’re laughing. We don’t understand. We all join in on the laughter.

It’s a month later and now I’m having a seizure.

A week after that, I’m on medication that makes me fall asleep in the middle of class. I’ll be on it for the rest of my life. I’ll drop a gallon of milk, because my hands are so unsteady I can’t hold it.

My teachers will get mad at me, because my otherwise beautiful handwriting somehow turns sloppy. As it turns out, a gallon of milk isn’t all I can’t hold. Even a pencil is tough.

I’ll break my jaw in three places. I’ll fracture my skull. I’ll get 42 staples in my head. I’ll break off all of my front teeth. My platelets will drop into the below low normal range, spotting me with bruises, and we won’t know why. I’ll have bone marrow aspirations to discover.

I’ll lose hair. I’ll gain weight. I’ll be scared to get pregnant. I’ll have high-risk pregnancies. I’ll have seizures in an airplane, at the gas tank, and in a parking lot. I’ll give speeches and wonder every time what will happen if I fall and whether people will still see me as normal if I do.

But, I don’t see all that coming when I’m 14. I can’t know it, but even still, I have had a seizure. And suddenly the after school special doesn’t seem as funny. I’m not laughing anymore. I work hard to hide my secret, because I don’t want the kids laughing at me like we laughed at basketball boy. Because now, I’m that kid with Epilepsy. And I grow tired trying to hide my secret. And finally, I have a seizure that everyone sees and the secret has been uncovered. And, I am horrified and relieved all at once, even as I struggle to learn that everyone has their things and that there is no such thing as normal.

Parenting Children With Health or Other Challenges

Back to current time. You’re the parent. You have a challenged child. Meaning that your child has Epilepsy or Diabetes or is on the Autism Spectrum or has Schizophrenia or Food Allergies or Low Self-Esteem or a mixture of other challenges. You want to raise him or her with confidence, with the opportunities to enjoy a happy childhood without worrying about such seemingly adult challenges like health or mental health or other such issues. You want to help navigate through the symptoms. You are scared. You don’t have all the answers. What do you do? Where do you go for help?

While I can only speak from the point of view of someone who has epilepsy and not the parent of a child with epilepsy, I have had many conversations with my mom about how she parented me.

7 Keys to Parenting a Challenged Child

My 10 year-old son suffers from anxiety, so now it is my turn to take all of the lessons I learned from her and to apply them as a parent. Here are some things I learned from my mom that I hope will also help you:

1. Increase understanding. First and foremost, learn everything you can about your child’s diagnosis. This could take years, but search high and low, online and offline, to get in the know!
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2. Find support. Whether you join a support group in your community or find one online, make sure to reach out to others with children in similar circumstances. Not only are other parents great resources for information, they will help you feel that you aren’t alone in your parenting struggles.
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3. Set realistic expectations. Once you are armed with information, help your child learn to understand his or her challenges. Do this in a factual way. For example: “You have epilepsy. If you don’t take your medication, you will most likely have a seizure. If you do take your medication, you may experience some side effects, but they won’t be as bad as having a seizure.”
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4. Learn to live within limitations. I found that I really wanted to be in control of my health, so learning what I could and couldn’t control was really important to me. In my situation, I could control whether or not I took my medication. But I couldn’t control whether I had a seizure. However, the risks of me having one almost 100 percent decreased if I took my medication. So, it was up to me! Knowing that helped me feel in control and like I had options.
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   Note: I pushed every limit as a teen. I skipped taking my meds. I lived with a lot of stress. I stayed out all night in college, etc. And, I reaped the consequences every time until I finally said: “I HATE having seizures. I’d rather live within my limitations than have one.” So, if your child is pushing limits, consider it part of their growth process of learning to live within their limitations. Ultimately, it is up to them to decide the lifestyle they want to have and to choose accordingly.
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5. Don’t compare. Every person, whether you can detect it or not, lives with challenges. Not everyone has health issues. You just can’t compare your challenges as a parent to the challenges other parents face. So don’t compare! You’ll be miserable every time.
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6. Give opportunities for growth. If I could only give huge kudos to my mom for one thing, it would be for her ability to help me feel like I could do anything, even when some things were more difficult for me. If your child is challenged, regardless of how severe, find opportunities that make sense for him or her and offer ways to help achieve success in those areas.
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   My mom was really scared to let me travel alone, but I really wanted to be a foreign exchange student. She got a lot of push back from other parents, including family members, when she encouraged me to interview for a spot. But I never knew that until I was an adult. All I knew as a teenager was that she helped me prepare for the interview and was ecstatic when I got accepted into the program. My dad was the same. She always made me feel that I should reach for the stars. If I worked hard enough or was resourceful enough, she thought I could achieve anything. It didn’t mean she wasn’t scared. Or didn’t lose sleep. But, I grew up thinking I could do anything and eventually forgot epilepsy may get in my way.
   Note: I did have a seizure while I was a foreign exchange student and my mom’s worst nightmare came true. But, it taught us all that I could handle my health challenges on my own, which was an important lesson for a 17-year old to learn (and the parent of a 17-year old)!
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7. Get help! Some challenges are far more severe and difficult to deal with than something like epilepsy. I have a brother with schizophrenia and I always think that my epilepsy prepared my mom for that much bigger challenge and yet if you ask her, she’ll tell you that nothing prepares you for something like Schizophrenia or mental illness in general.If you are feeling hopeless or don’t know what to do, reach out to someone with more information. Talk to a doctor or other parents about ways to get help and then seek out that help. Information is the first step, because knowledge is power.
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8. Have hope! This is so easy to say, especially in tough moments. But, do whatever you can to build a reservoir of hope. Recognize that you may have to go through a grieving process. Come to terms that this situation may be long term. Then, have hope, knowing that with information, support, and going through the other steps listed above will help you to do everything you can to influence your child’s life. Ultimately, the health struggles he or she faces will be outside of your control, but how you deal with them and in turn, how you teach your child to approach them and manage them, is completely within your influence.

I am now 41 years old. I have two happy and healthy boys. I am married to a fantastically funny guy! I enjoy life by eating large amounts of cheese, dancing like crazy whenever I get the chance, traveling to the ends of the earth and back, and (yes!) giving speeches even though I am nervous I may have a seizure. And life is good! Now… to help my son face his challenges with anxiety so he, too, can feel that life is good!

What tips do you have for raising kids with health or other challenges? How do you help them enjoy life in spite of their challenges?

Photo 1 courtesy of Flickr and Photo 2 courtesy of Flickr.

I married at 27 and immediately, the questions came: “When are you going to begin having all of those 11 kids?” “How soon will you start a family?”

For the first time since my doctor started discussing pregnancy with me nearly 10 years earlier, I got scared. Between that time and the time I became Mrs. Pattee, my platelets decreased (due to my medication) to a much more than below average rate. I researched the birth defects and diseases my medicine was known to cause. I had too much information—information that caused me to feel that making it out of pregnancy as a healthy mom and with a healthy child was anything but certain and definitely something I couldn’t control.

So, I went through many years of denial, putting off the decision to have children until my 30th birthday at which time I realized that nothing in life is certain and some things are worth the risk. Having children, to me, was one of those things worth risking.

It’s funny, because once I made the decision, I didn’t look back. My anxiety melted away. I moved forward doing everything I could to be healthy and focused on learning about the baby growing inside of me.

Ultimately, nothing I was nervous about prior to getting pregnant materialized. My baby boy arrived healthy and with a full head of red hair, screaming and ready to take on the world. I had other complications though—pre-eclampsia, a near stroke at birth, and the inability to produce milk and nurse my baby. But all these things, however scary or frustrating in the moment, had solutions.

When I think of the potential complications I didn’t experience and the minor ones that I did, I am overwhelmed with gratitude for medical advances that made a happy and healthy mother and son and an ecstatic new father our reality.

Today, I’m not much different than I was as a child. I still like to feel certainty and a degree of control in my life. But, my definition of control has shifted and instead of thinking of things in terms of what I can control, I think of things in terms of what I can influence and what I have to be grateful for in life.

As someone who has lived with epilepsy for nearly 30 years, I know that I can influence my health tremendously by doing a few things—getting enough sleep, taking my meds daily, and decreasing my stress. While I was pregnant, I could additionally influence the outcome of a healthy baby by taking the recommended vitamins, most specifically folic acid.

Focusing on those areas of influence, rather than on what I could or could not control, were keys to a successful pregnancy.

I recognize things could have turned out differently. Sometimes, regardless of taking every precaution, the path can change. But focusing on things within our sphere of influence is the best chance we have at having healthy outcomes.

What did you do to stay healthy in your pregnancies? What can you do now to maintain good health?

Understanding is Important

When I had my first baby, my extended family was eager to offer child rearing advice of all sorts. One piece of advice that I never followed was to let the baby cry more. The suggestion was that by responding to the crying too quickly, I was encouraging the behavior, and the crying demands would become more frequent.

There is a modicum of truth implied by that advice. When children reach an age where they can speak and communicate their feelings well, crying may become a tool for manipulating parents. When this is the case, letting the child cry, otherwise known as a tantrum, makes sense. However, when babies can communicate only by crying, the crying is evidence of a need that the parent must try to satisfy.

Knowing the Causes and Comforting Them is Key

Hunger is a common crying trigger. Dirty diapers are often a cause. Being overtired brings on crying and general crankiness. Babies who are crying for any of these practical reasons are usually easy to please. Correct the situation with a bottle of formula, a diaper change, and a nap; perhaps all three. The most difficult type of crying to recognize and respond to is that caused by physical discomfort, illness, loneliness or fear.

In many ways, babies are simply miniature versions of their parents as far a human behavior is concerned. Put yourself in the baby’s place for a moment. If your clothes are dry, you’ve had a nice meal, and a nap, you’re probably ready to seek out some sort of stimulation to add interest to your day. Babies are the same.

I can recall many mornings, or the times immediately after a nap. The baby would wake up, content at having been fed, happy to be in dry clothes, and comfortable with a full tummy. For a time, perhaps thirty minutes or so, I could hear the baby cooing as he enjoyed the colorful dancing of his crib’s mobile. At the end of the thirty minutes, however, the short attention getting cries would begin, followed soon by loud crying, followed by angry bellowing. The baby had become bored and was demanding participation in the family’s social life. The solution was usually simple; pick up the baby and give it some loving attention.

Usually, as described above, crying from a well-fed, rested, and recently changed baby requires only parental attention and affection. There are times, however, when even parental attention is not enough, and the baby continues to cry and exhibit discomfort. This could be a problem with gas, which is not uncommon. Hold the baby upright against your chest and rub his back to help move the gas to where it can be expelled. Sometimes a warm bath helps to move the gas and sooth the baby. When the traditional home remedies don’t seem to work, call your pediatrician.

There is one final cause for babies’ crying that is worth discussing, and that is fear. Babies can have fearful experiences that would not be perceived a frightening by the average parent.

Babies cry to communicate, and they do so for many reasons: physical discomfort, hunger, boredom, and fear, all of which can be managed by a watchful, aware, and loving parent.

What is your best parenting advice when it comes to a crying baby?

Photo courtesy of Flickr.

Amy Brown, a stay-at-home mom, is an editor of Livesnet, a site offering baby gear reviews and parenting tips. Please visit Livesnet and read recent hot articles on the First Years Wave Stroller and best convertible car seat 2011.

How many times have you been on the phone with someone and begin to tell, what you see as, a “white lie” while your child is listening? They know what your saying is not the truth. How can you expect your child to be honest with you when you are teaching them something else?

Your children learn more about how to behave from watching you than they ever do by listening to what you say . If you are wondering why your child is bitter toward you or why they roll their eyes when you give a lecture, it could be because they see you as a hypocrite. They may wonder, “How many times has mom or dad lied to me?” or they may have lost respect for you all together. If you catch your children in lies, chances are they learned it somewhere; especially if there was no reason for them to tell the lie at all.

If this has happened between you and your tween or teen, it is still not too late to repair the damage. The first thing you need to do is one of the hardest things for mankind in general to do. It involves sitting them down, admitting that you have lied (without pointing fingers), and apologizing for not setting a good example.

Saying the big “I’m sorry” is hard for anyone, but if you want your child to learn to say those words when they have messed up, they need to hear you say them from your heart as well. Again, teaching by example is the best way for all of us to learn.

If your child is still in the grade school years, starting this conversation early will prevent problems with dishonesty in the future. With all age groups, you might want to try sharing something personal that is going on in your life at an appropriate level for their age.

For instance, if you and your spouse are having problems and going to counseling, it would go a long way to sit down with your child(ren) and tell them what is going on in a way they can understand. This way they’re not blindsided if things turn for the worse.

Another example, is when you are on the phone with friends, be sure to be honest with them. If you are watching a movie, don’t tell your friend you have to get off the phone because you are giving your child a bath. Why not be honest with your friend and tell them the truth? If your child sees you lie about simple things, why should you expect them to tell you the truth in the future?

As our Moms taught us, honesty is still the best policy. It is never too late. It is important that your children know they can come to you with anything. As a kid, I never got in trouble for telling the truth, even if the truth was not something my parents wanted to hear. They always made that very clear and I am having those same conversations with my daughter now. Telling white lies can be a terrible habit, but just remember your children are watching and learning from you. Make 2012 the year that truth matters and as the good book says, “The truth will set you free.”

How do you teach your children about honesty? What steps can you take in 2012 to be more honest?

Picture courtesy of flickr.

Alicia Ivey is a mother and wife. She enjoys helping her daughter pursue her interests and will continue to do so until her daughter wants to stop. She is very involved with family and would walk the extra mile to help someone out. When Alicia is not traveling she enjoys writing for mybabyclothes.com. Step out on the town with your little one in the most fashion forward baby clothes, darling baby headbands or beautiful tutus.

Tips for Choosing the Right Car for Your Teen

Here are a couple of points that you should consider when choosing the right car for your teenager:

Price Range

First, you must decide on a price range. This is probably the best first step in any major purchase, though with a teenager involved, it becomes even more important to set boundaries right from the beginning.

Will the teen be contributing any money to the purchase price? Do they have a job? If so, do they have the work ethic to make a car payment? If no one can afford a car payment, is there someone in the family that will be able to work on the vehicle? A $2000 budget can go a long way if there’s a mechanic in the family. Otherwise, that same amount of money might be better spent on a down payment on a loan, if someone in the family has good enough credit to obtain one. All of this must be considered before deciding on a final price range.

Driving Ability

Next, you must decide how much you trust your teen’s driving ability. According to studies, teenagers are the most dangerous drivers on the road. Handing them a high-powered, rear-wheel drive sports car is not going to help their odds of having a trouble-free first few years. As a general rule of thumb, rear-wheel drive cars are more dangerous in the hands of the inexperienced than front wheel drive.

Also, consider whether your teen can and should be allowed to drive a manual transmission. Although manuals do provide more control, when one is new to driving, manually shifting requires a higher level of concentration. If your teenager learned to drive with a stick, it’s probably safe to add cars with manual transmissions to the list of those to consider. Otherwise, sticking with an automatic is probably a safer choice.

These are just a few of the things that should be considered before purchasing a car for your teenager. Though there will certainly be other things to think about, these points are probably the most important, and should allow you to quickly narrow your list of potential cars to a manageable level.

What influenced you when you made your first car purchase? Or when you helped your teen purchase his or her first car? How can you teach your teenager to be a safe driver?

Ken is an automotive blogger, who writes for a cash for junk cars company. The company helps individuals sell cars. He speaks from experience, as he has witnessed many parents purchasing cars for there teenagers.

My husband, @troypattee, has pretty much put me on a grocery shopping moritorium. I haven’t been to Costco alone in years. I am a sucker for “great deals.” And, I have lots of dishes and oversized bottles of Olive Oil to prove it. Can you relate?

But, one thing that has helped us get organized when it comes to groceries is Cozi.com and their online grocery shopping list and accompanying mobile app. All I have to do is make my list online and it syncs real time with the mobile app. Whenever Troy happens to be at the store (click here to see why he wears the shopping pants in our family), he can immediately see what we need and what to buy.

This was a recent find that I’m super thrilled about, because of what it has done for our family organization in the area of grocery shopping.

Apps, Websites, and Online Tools to Organize Your Family

Because of how helpful Cozi has been, I got to thinking of other online resources that have helped organize our family’s lives. Here are some I recommend:

• Google: I know! It sounds simple, but google’s calendar has changed our lives. I have three color-coded calendars: one for personal/family, one for my Mom It Forward work, and one for the evo Conference I co-organize. I especially love the calendar sharing feature, which allows you to share each calendar with different people. I have my husband copied on all three so he knows my plans for the week. The great thing about Google is that it interfaces with other calendaring systems, like Cozi.com.
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• AboutOne.com: This is a great site, allowing you to store all important family data like health, education, and even car maintenance records.
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• 1password.com: Have you ever forgotten your password? Try this site. It stores them all for you and you only to remember one for all of your accounts. Is that awesome or what? Love this!
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• My Job Chart: This is a fabulous online chore chart with built in incentives. It is great at helping organize your family’s chores and is fun for kids.
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• Apps for Moms: If you want a one-stop shop to find great apps for moms sorted by category, like this one from AllRecipes.com called Dinner Spinner, check out Apps for Moms, which directs you to a variety of apps for every need.
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• Pinterest: I’m convinced that the whole world has started cooking more and doing more crafts since the invention of Pinterest. As a busy mom, I love this visual bookmarking site because it allows me to store recipes, parenting tips, craft ideas, and more by category. So, when I need a quick dessert to take to a Christmas party or a gift for my kids’ teachers, all I have to do is go to my page and check out my pins and voila! Instant information.

What apps, websites, and online tools help keep your family organized?

I researched vaccines before vaccinating my one year-old with multiple food allergies and found the following allergens in some common, and some not so common, vaccines.

Egg Protein

Influenza, typhoid, and yellow fever vaccines are produced in eggs causing egg proteins to be present in the final product which can cause an allergic reaction. The American College of Allergy, Asthma and Immunology states that 1.6 percent of children have an allergy to egg protein and therefore might not be able to receive the vaccine.

Measles and mumps vaccines, including the MMR vaccine, are made in chick embryo cells in culture, not in eggs. The much smaller amount of remaining egg proteins found in the MMR (measles, mumps, rubella) vaccine does not usually cause a reaction in egg allergic children.

If your child has a severe egg allergy and you are concerned about an allergic reaction to the MMR vaccine, your allergist can test for an MMR allergy and if positive, administer the vaccination in multiple small doses over an extended period of time.

Gelatin

Some vaccines contain gelatin to protect them against freeze-drying or heat. People with severe allergies to gelatin should avoid getting gelatin-containing vaccines.

Routine childhood vaccines containing gelatin include MMR, varicella (chicken-pox), influenza, and DTaP (diphtheria, tetanus and acellular pertussis).

Non-routine vaccines containing gelatin include yellow fever, rabies, and Japanese encephalitis. Allergic reactions to the MMR vaccine are far more likely due to the gelatin in the vaccine rather than to residual egg proteins in the vaccine.

Bovine (Beef) Gelatin

Gelatin is created by prolonged boiling of animal skin, connective tissue or bones, usually of bovine or porcine origin, and is one of many types of stabilizers added to vaccines. Vaccines with gelatin may contain bovine gelatin.

If your child has a history of food allergies, discuss with your allergist whether or not he or she should be vaccinated, and whether or not the vaccines should be administered in your pediatricians office or your allergists office.

Disclaimer: This is the list of food allergens I found in vaccines while doing research before vaccinating my one year-old with multiple food allergies. This list may not be complete and may not be up-to-date with current vaccines as vaccines change from year to year, and I urge all parents to be proactive in communicating their concerns regarding food allergies and vaccines with their health care providers prior to vaccinating children with food allergies.

What food allergies does your kid have? How have you managed food allergies and vaccines for your children?

Photo courtesy of Flickr.

References:

• American Academy of Pediatrics

Stacy enjoys expressing her creativity creating handmade cards, sharing her experiences raising multiples with other mothers of multiples, and helping families of children with food allergies learn to manage their allergies through education and support. Learn more about Stacy on her blog http://stacymolter.com.

Find her on her Blog, Twitter , and Facebook.

Whether being a better parent is one of your New Year’s resolutions or if you’re always in the market for parenting tips and motherhood tricks, start now to establish good habits with your children. Raising them to be responsible and showing them the benefits of that trait is a great way to start this new year.

10 Parenting Tips for Raising Responsible Children

Here are 10 ways you can teach responsibility to your kids:

1. Start young. Young children can help us set the dinner table or put their toys in the toy box.

2. Show children how tasks should be done. Be clear with your expectations. Kids are imitators and they do much better when they are shown how to do something. Let’s use those imitation skills to our advantage!

3. Let kids show someone else how a task should be done. Nothing reinforces a skill like teaching it to another person.

4. Be trustworthy and dependable. Children watch us like junior reporters, monitoring our every move. If they see us being responsible, trustworthy, and dependable on a regular basis, they are more likely to conclude being responsible is just a given.

5. Apologize when you make a mistake. Kids already know we make mistakes, so we might as well admit them when we do. If we own up to our mistakes without blaming someone or something else, we show our children there is no shame in being wrong or falling short, especially when we accept responsibility for it.

6. Give children a role or responsibility within the family. It’s important to give them a task that really matters and let them know exactly why it matters. If you have a dog, changing out the puppy pad is important for both the family and the dog— both sides are thankful!

7. Expect them to make mistakes. It is so easy to forget, especially with older children and teens, that even though the body looks like an adult on the outside, the inside still has an incomplete operating system, i.e. their brains are not yet fully developed.

8. Avoid nagging, yelling, and criticizing. As hard as it might be, we have much less conflict when we avoid nagging, yelling, criticizing or other emotional displays when we are teaching or correcting.

9. Work together as a family. Our children are not here to do the chores we don’t want to do ourselves. Everyone in the family can take a turn doing the “yucky” chores, such as cleaning the dogs teeth at home or cleaning out the litter box.

10. Provide friendly reminders to your children. Remind our children that everybody has to do things they don’t like at one time or another; raking leaves is not your hobby – you do it because it needs to be done – and so should they.

Talking with our children about what it means to be responsible, and the opportunities it affords is the first step to raising responsible children. People who are responsible have better reputations, more educational options, and the freedom to work at a job they like.

How do you help your child learn about and practice responsibility?

Jane Warren writes about home life, parenting and pet care. She enjoys spending time on the ocean, scuba diving and international travel.

Photo courtesy of Flickr.

For my mom, sewing is just part of who she is. My grandmother taught her to sew when she was little and my mom kept it up, making everything from our clothes when we were little to our curtains, table clothes, and all of my sister’s prom dresses.

She started getting paid for her talent a few years ago when she started sewing for the local theater. And not just sewing, but figuring out exactly how to make the come to life on the stage complete with era-appropriate attire.

During a practice for one of her latest plays, The Civil War, we sat together watching the cast learn their parts while she explained to me the challenges with each piece.

“The lead is 7 months pregnant, she shared, “so her dress would have to be longer in front than in back. And the girl next to her had a boob job and was really skinny.” According to my mom, this was more problematic for a seamstress than you’d think. The list went on and on. I sat there amazed at both her excitement and knowledge of costuming.

The older I get, the more I see themes in my mom’s behavior, many centered in her personality and the things she is passionate about, including her talents. Those themes thread through our family and are a legacy she is weaving for us. And I am sure, it is these very things that we will miss most and remember with smiles about her when she’s gone (which, I hope, will be a very long time from now).

What talents does or did your mom possess? How did those talents benefit your family? And what traits or skills did they help you develop?