Infertility and Adoption: @TheRHouse Shares the Benefits of Both
my world • moms making a difference
Have you ever had a friend or family member that has struggled with infertility, and not known what to say to them? Have you been one of those friends or family members struggling to have a child and wishing that people understood or that there was some support group within which you wouldn’t feel so alone and different? Lindsey Redfern was one such person, infertile and anxious to find a means by which she could effectively vent about her struggles. She started her blog, The R House, in 2006, with no other desire than to increase awareness by telling her story. But when she and her husband decided to try to adopt, her blog became so much more.
Says Lindsey: “When our dream of having a biological child washed away, we mourned like any parent who had lost an actual child. Then, after a lot of soul-searching, we decided to adopt.” The R House has, over the years then, become a positive site, a means of empowering herself and others as she opened up the discussion not only to other couples hoping to adopt, but to birth parents and adoptees as well. “This community,” she says, “was and is huge to my healing.”
Interestingly though, this transformation emerged out of the difficulties of the adoption of their now oldest son, Tyson. Due to a glitch in a Maryland law, she was stuck in limbo in Maryland for two months alone, awaiting the ironing-out of legal issues surrounding the adoption. As she blogged/vented, she noticed that people—strangers— were actively reading and commenting on her blog posts, reaching out to her and buoying her up. As she and her husband later delved into an 18-month legal battle for the adoption of their second son, Gavin, the power of social media became more evident to her and she adopted a new identity as passionate advocate for the beauty of open adoptions. “The adoption journey is heart-wrenching for anyone,” says Lindsey. “I ask for help in promoting a positive view of adoption and talking about the many heartaches and joys of adoption and infertility.”
You would think that people would have nothing but positive things to say about this woman and her efforts to help others, infertile couples, birth parents, and adoptees alike. Unfortunately, though, such is not the case. Some people tell her she should not “advertise herself” or try to “coerce birth parents.” Women who placed children for adoption in the ’50′s and ’60′s and had horrible adoption experiences aggressively oppose adoption on her site. There are those that say she shouldn’t have kids of different races than her own. On such a personal topic, people passionately contribute a variety of heartfelt opinions.
How does she handle that kind of opposition? “I used to cry,” she says, “but now I take it with a grain of salt. If you let the few negative voices dominate, they win. Adoption, when done right, it is not scary. I will never stop being an advocate for adoptive parents and birth moms. Open adoption represents hope for all parties involved.”
These days, Lindsey advocates and increases awareness not only through the R House, but also through the adoption consulting firm that she and her LCSW husband, Mr. R., started, and TheRHouseonEtsy, which features crafts related to adoption and babies.
Connect with Lindsey on her blog The R House, on Twitter @TheRHouse, and on Facebook at The R House.
So glad I came across this post on Twitter – thanks again Twitter!
Love this post and kudo’s to all that you do.
Earlier today I posted something you may enjoy.
It covers infertility, adoption (also transracial which I didn’t mention because I forget to) and just the ‘gift’ of a child!
I would love your feedback!
Best wishes – Nicole
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by MomItForward, Jyl Johnson Pattee. Jyl Johnson Pattee said: RT @MomItForward – Infertility and Adoption: @TheRHouse Shares the Benefits of Both: Have y… http://bit.ly/grTXci [ blog post-myworld] [...]
I’m always looking for good resources on these topics. Thanks so much for the heads-up. I’m headed to The R House right now.
Love Lindsey, and I love that she is passionate about Adoption!
I love Lindsey! We are trying to adopt, and her blog has cheered me up and given me hope on many a bad day.
Awww, thanks you guys!
It genuinely shocks me that people would respond to her in any way but extremely positive. She works tirelessly to promote adoption. She has integrity. She is powerful and honest. I admire her so much. We should thank R Lucky Stars she lets us into her amazing world.
Love Jyl and momitforward and loved that you posted. Becoming a family is something that is near to my heart since I adopted as single woman. I applaud your efforts to become parents. And I am just fascinated at the negativity of people to criticize those just want to love a child and give them a good home.
http://www.nycsinglemom.com
As the adoptive mother of two children and two biological children, I love this post. Motherhood comes in many different ways. I feel blessed I found it in many ways.