Life Lessons From Mother/Daughter Relationships
Who are people closest to you who have made all the difference in your life?
It’s mid morning. I’m studying in the university library in a special area—you know, where you had to have a code to get into the room. A woman slowly rounds the corner of the book shelf in front of me and I look up to see my mom. With a worried look she approaches me and tells me quietly we need to leave. I’m still focused on figuring out how she knew where I studied let alone how she learned the code to get into the room when she softly grabs my arm and tells me it’s urgent. I stand up and follow her.
On the 30-minute ride up to Salt Lake City, she explains that the results are in from my recent physical. Results that traveled by phone from my family doctor to my neurologist to an oncologist and to my mom and are about to make their way in person to me.
“Your platelets are really low and the doctors are worried about you,” my mom says.
I haven’t moved past “oncologist.”
“What?” I ask.
She explains something about how a low average platelet count is 150,000 and mine are at 15,000. And I start thinking…
You know those moments in your life when everything changes? One day, you’re just a regular person and the next day, things are different in the hardest way?
For me, that day arrived right before my 14th birthday. I was stretching before a dance performance and the next thing I knew, I was in the hospital. A seizure. Epilepsy! Ahhhhh! Only freaks had Epilepsy (my 14-year-old mind thought). Only kids in after-school specials had Epilepsy. My life as I knew it was over. I would never be able to do all the things I had dreamed of doing—being a foreign exchange student, traveling the world, having kids. Kids? What was I thinking? I wouldn’t even have another boyfriend. I didn’t stop to thank my lucky stars that all I had was Epilepsy and not something worse. After all, I was a teenager and my life may as well have just ended.
I switch back to where I’m in a car, being driven to an oncologist. I remember my mom talking, but didn’t hear her. Why an oncologist? Would I find out I had a life-threatening illness? What news was I about to get? Was my life about to end, but for real this time?
I put it all out of my head. The only thing that really mattered in that moment was that I was with my mom. She had encouraged me to study abroad. She made sure I traveled the world. I didn’t know it at the time, but she’d be there for the births of both of my sons—sons that wouldn’t end up having the birth defects I had worried they’d have because of the medicine I would have to take throughout my pregnancy. And I didn’t know it at the time, but instead of the cancer the doctors thought I had, and between the car ride and when she’d take part in my wedding and later welcome her grand babies into the world, she’d nurse me through the recovery process of a severely broken jaw, brain surgery, and a horrible fall landing me right on my front teeth, breaking them nearly to the point of disrepair.
And through all of it, she’d teach me that the most important thing is to stand up and move forward when you fall… literally! That your limitations don’t define you and can’t stop you from reaching your dreams.
How do you put a price tag on a mother/daughter relationship or adequately show gratitude for life lessons your mom helped you learn that literally make all the difference in making you who you are?
What is the one thing you are most grateful to your mom for teaching you?
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Oh Jyl! No wonder you are who you are! No wonder you are on a mission to support mothers and women all over the world! You have had some very serious life lessons early on in your young life. You know what is important. You have already lived a lifetime and have the wisdom and grace of 100 year old well traveled woman.
No wonder I can so relate to you. I was born with a congential abnormality of my kidneys and urinary tract system and found myself in the hospital at age 17 with teams of specialists visiting me everyday during Grand Rounds because they hadn’t seen it before and wanted the students to see it too!
I can remember my 17 year old thoughts… I am in this gown.. naked underneath… and they wake me up with Grand Rounds and dozens of doctors and cute interns looking at my naked body!
I was too sick to operate and was allowed to go home with apparatus and home care to get stronger for surgery. When I went back for surgery months later, I did it my way. I refused a hospital gown, no matter how convenient it was for everyone else… I had the nurses wake me up 30 minutes before rounds so I could pee, brush my teeth, brush my hair, and feel human before being poked and prodded.
It seems like a lifetime ago and I have a few scars of my own I will show you sometime when we meet in person. But the lessons learned are so much greater than the scars we bear…. and if things get out of whack and you are worried about what is important…. just look at your scars as a reminder that we are lucky to be here and God wanted us on this earth to make a difference…. to our children, to other moms, and to the world!
I love our family. Mom has been there for me in so many ways, there are not enough fingers in the world to count off all the wonderful things she has done for me. I loved this post, Jyl. I’m very, very grateful to be apart of such an amazing family.
B
Jyl, this was such an incredible story that I needed to hear today.
I’m thankful that my mother is a survivor. My father died when he was 41 and my mother was 41 as well. I was 11 and although she had lost the love of her life she knew she had to pull it together and keep being strong for me.
Now that I’m an adult I appreciate her facing those hard times with such grace and love even more.
Mom has always been at the crossroads in our lives! She is the rock of our family! As I was reading this post, I remembered what it was like as you, my older sister, found out you had Epilepsy. It was hard to watch you go through so much. But, you didn’t let it stop you from living your dreams. You moved to Argentina your senior year of high school, and have gone on from there to do many great and exciting things! I’m always wondering what you’re up to next! I really love this post and it makes me even more grateful for Mom than I was before.
My mom is one of the most amazing women ever! Her and my father dropped everything they had in Argentina to pursue the American Dream, which I am so grateful for. I have to say that this little woman was put and continues to be put through serious trials. Even when the days and nights have been long her for her, her FAITH has never withered. She has taught me how to endure without losing FAITH in the Lord. She continues to be my rock. I swear this woman would drop anything she is doing for ANYONE in need!
Thanks for your post Jyl
This is a fabulous post Jyl.
My mom talk me to work really, really, really hard.
[...] Health. Four years ago, I had a serious accident and found myself in the hospital a couple of weeks before Thanksgiving. Just as I came out of the [...]
Your story is really inspiring… I have epilepsy, started having them at 14 too.. I was finally diagnosed at 17, I am almost 24 and they are no where near under control… I have a daughter who is almost 15 months old… Anyways, surgery may be an option for me depending on another EEG but I am scared to death of it… How did you do it? Has it been worth it?
I am in love with learning more about mother-daughter communication and relationships as I have grown to have a strong relationship with my mom. I am currently a graduate student working on my thesis which is going to focus on mother daughter communication. I have started a blog in hopes of getting the chance to communicate with other mothers and daughters in order to find out their experiences, observations, experiences about the relationship they share.
So if you are a daughter who has just graduated high school and are about to move away from home or have already moved away from home or if you are a mother who has a daughter that fits this criteria I would GREATLY appreciate any and all help with my thesis research. And please pass this link on to any mothers and daughters who fit this criteria as well.
I am still in the beginning stages but here is the link to my blog:
http://mother-daughter-communication-2011.blogspot.com/
Thank you!