Relationships: Having a Friendship with My Ex’s Wife

by Xenia Galaviz on July 29th, 2012 | 4 Comments »

A few years ago, I went with my ex-husband’s new wife Michelle to take our son Damien to get his hair cut. The hairdresser was already familiar with my ex and his wife, so when Michelle introduced me to her as “also Damien’s Mom,” the hairdresser immediately assumed there was a sexual relationship between the three of us. Um, no. We laughed and politely explained to her that we all get along. She tilted her head and looked at us like we were aliens. I don’t blame her, though, my own family and my husband’s family think it’s strange, too. The majority of people who know our situation (or situations similar to ours) think it’s strange. I think it’s strange when adults can’t get along for the sake of their children.

I have an immense amount of respect for Tyler and Damien’s mom; to call her a stepmom would be an insult to me—we parent our sons together. She is an amazing mother to our sons and I love her for it. We often text each other, “I love you.” When our apartment flooded in January, she dropped everything she was doing to drop off Tyler to help us move. When I was pregnant this past year, she was on-call and insisted I call her for anything. I know I can count on her for anything. I’ve been there for her, too, and will continue to be.

The hard work and self-sacrifices we’ve put into our relationship is evident in the positive way our children act with all of their parents. It is healthy for all of our children to see us as a whole family unit. We are together at graduations, birthday parties, and even just hanging out together when dropping the boys off or picking them up. Set aside your pride for your children. Show each other respect. Be honest and open. Your children will thank you for it now and forever.

It is completely worth it to me to make Michelle and my relationship work. To say we only act like this for our children would be a lie, it is also very fulfilling to me.

Are you a part of a blended family? How do you interact with your ex and their spouse?

Xenia Galaviz is a 30-something mommy of 4 boys and wife to a wonderful man. Xenia is taking off from work for a year to bond with her newborn and homeschool her 6 year old. She enjoys her big, blended family and is always looking for an adventure. You can find more family fun at raisedbyculture.com.