Decision Making: The Positive Side of Letting Go of Relationships


What causes relationships to fail? I have pondered this for many years and will probably think on it for many more. One day you’re having the best day of your life with your dearest friend and a few hours later, things can fall apart to the point where you are no longer speaking to one another. If asked, I’m sure we could all tell a very complex and detailed story about how things fell apart with a relationship. One of the funny things is, that story usually makes so much sense to us, and yet to others, seems easily fixable.

There are several things I know for sure about relationships, simply from the commonalities of all my failed ones. The down slope to a failing relationship is our tongue. It usually always starts with something that is said even when there is no intention to hurt the other person; sometimes it just does. The next step down that slippery slope is misunderstanding.

To break it down, the innocent, yet ignorant comment has been taken out of context or misunderstood by the hearer; or the one on the receiving end. This is where all relationships usually fail. With the first person trying desperately to reach their friend not knowing the hurt they have caused; and the second former friend who has stewed far too long on the comments that they have usually taken out of context. In order to spare themselves from any future pain, they shut down and close all lines of communication due to reading too much of a “tone’ in the email, text message, or even face to face interaction. Even if forgiveness is offered, we all know the relationship may never be the same again.

If we thought it was hard for us, it is even more difficult watching your child steer these waters. I have watched my daughter fall in and out of relationships within a day or two. What do you say when they come home and tell you that their very best friend is not playing with them any more and even yelled at them in front of the whole class? I try to help my daughter remember anything that could have caused the misunderstanding. She’s also had to learn how to say “I’m Sorry” even when she feels she is in the right, but the hardest lesson she is having to learn is how to let go.

Letting go is the hardest thing about relationships. When you have done everything you can to repair what has been broken, you have to let go or live in a terrible place called, “what’s wrong with me”? It may be at first, but the best thing for our spirit is to keep the fun memories, throw out the bad ending, and thank God for bringing that person into your life. This is what I’m teaching my child. God brings certain people into our lives to teach us a lesson, or maybe we’re there to teach them something about themselves. Whatever the case, it may be for a specific period of time. It is a lesson I am still learning while I try to help my daughter navigate these waters. My hope is that learning this at seven years old will help her in the teen years when boyfriends enter the picture.

What are you teaching your children about relationships; especially those that are short term?

 Photo courtesy of flickr

Alicia Ivey, a wife, mother, daughter and friend.  She has traveled for over 25 years speaking and singing in different venues to thousands.  She hopes to at least touch a few who need some encouraging words.  Alicia is striving to raise her and teach her daughter by example, which can be very challenging at times.  During her spare time she enjoys writing encouraging words through, where you can find unique baby clothes, beautiful tutus and stylish baby hats.

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