Self Worth: The Key to Better Relationships


Relationships—Relationships can be a challenge. At any given time we are either searching for one, mending one, ending one, or all of the above. We depend on them physically, spiritually, and emotionally whether we admit it or not. Those that say, “I don’t need anyone,” are only fooling themselves. If relationships were not necessary, solitary confinement would not be considered one of the worst forms of punishment a prisoner could receive. Even Tom Hank’s character in the movie “Castaway” needed companionship so much that he put together things he found on the island to build a “friend.” For any relationship to be successful you must nurture one relationship above all others; the one you have with yourself.

If this sounds prideful or selfish, allow me to explain. It begins by asking yourself, “Who am I when no one is watching and do I like that person?” The answer to that question will affect every relationship you have. Whether you realize it or not, this is how you perceive everyone in your life to think of you. If you don’t like yourself, it leads to assuming that no one else does either. This belief can cause a proud arrogant demeanor or an intimidated one.

The proud behavior begins from trying to overcompensate for the lack of self worth you feel in your life by constantly bragging about yourself, your kids, your husband, and your material possessions. It can also lead to putting other people down, especially when in the company of others. I have seen this time and time again where a group of women come together and will begin to gossip and tear down another person who is not present. What they are actually doing is hoping no one will see what they really believe about their selves; that they are not worth loving.

There is another way people display their lack of self worth. This behavior is also dominated by the fear that other people will see “who they truly are.” How they escape this is by avoiding all relationships or even sabotaging the ones they have and blaming the failure of the relationship on the other person. Whether it’s instigating a fight with a spouse, parent, child, or friend, it stems from not loving yourself. Unfortunately, these masking behaviors only feed self hatred even more. So how do we mend this relationship with ourselves and become our own best friend, without becoming pretentious?

First, I need to ask a hard question: Who hurt you? Who told you that you weren’t good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, or worthy enough? You might be surprised by your answers because these ideas can come from the people that love us the most. Next, write their names down and this is the hard part, forgive them. I’ve heard it said that forgiveness is letting go of your right to get even. When we do this, not only do we set them free, but ourselves as well.

Once you are able to do simple things like enjoy coffee, exercise, or a good book alone, then take your new mindset for a spin. You will be well on your way to becoming the best wife, mother, and friend you can be.

What steps will you take today to gain self worth and confidence in who you are? What will you do today to be the best wife, mother, and friend?

Alicia Ivey is currently pursuing her PhD in Psychology and is currently writing her first book as well as her auto-biographical story of her quest for motherhood and her successful adoption that followed.  Alicia enjoys writing for My Baby Clothes dot com.  Fall has arrived and your little ones need to be snug as a bug is some fashionable baby clothes with matching baby headbands and some warm cozy baby hats.

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